I'm Writing About "Love"
What is Love? Each day I am shown more and more how far off I was from the definitive meaning of the word. Merriam Webster tells us ; "Love- strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties love for a child> (2) : attraction based on sexual desire : affection and tenderness felt by lovers (3) : affection based on admiration, benevolence, or common interests <love for his old schoolmates>". This seems to sum up my incorrect assumption of what Love was. Sure it's got all the bells and whistles, but what a VAGUE definition!
Of course, let us now cross reference 1st Corinthians 13:4 "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. " this has been intriguing me, and I'm sure many Christians in the like, who don't overlook this scripture.
Let me think of some of my Ex- Girlfriends... Was I; Patient, No... Envious, Yes... Boastful and proud, Let me think, Uhh yes... Rude, HAH! Easily angered, That was me... All in the name of "Love". I like to believe that I have since made progress on this issue of what Love really is, as opposed to what it was. I can remember staying up late as a child, staring at the ceiling, lying on my back on the riddled carpet, just pondering the subject. Thinking of all of the right answers, thinking of all the things I would say and do, thinking about getting married and wondering why...
Since then, I seem to have wholly missed the point of selfless love. I have honed right on into the dictionary's term on a selfish note. I have strayed far from my youthful ideals of flowers and praise. Of course I've picked and purchased flowers, and sang songs of praise to my previous "loved ones". Pretty much when I was trying to get them to take me back or when I wanted something from them... when I concentrate in on who did most of all the straying, it was always me. Absolutely, did I love to be awash in the pools of self pity I would nearly drown myself in, and spout curses to all those near and far. However, painfully, it was in losing image of who I really was meant to be, that brought shame and misfortune into my life. I alone am responsible for the depravity of my past.
With that being said, Am I at all changed in my perception of what Love is or should be? Do I show true interest in learning the word, or have I cunningly tricked myself into being a Christian with blind ethic? Have I experienced the patient love the scripture speaks of? Yes, I have. There is no questioning the perseverance of hope in God's promise to me, the rejoice in seeing truth amongst others, and the steadfast joy in loving others than my own. Yet, why is it I so often succumb to overwhelming waves of doubt?!
For if I took any of these experiences for granted they would simply fade in meaning. God continues to work with me on a daily basis, revealing more and more of himself gloriously. By the people he puts in front of me, to the sound friendships He is constructing for me. However, sometimes I tend to misconstrue His promise. I over analyze each feature of his goodness, so that it pertains to my situation in the timely fashion that conforms to me. I continually doubt myself based upon what He provides me. Which has me wondering, If I am believing in a promise that I have fashioned to suit my own wants and desires.
I stand at the crossroads of "relieving control, and taking control". I have surrendered my life to Christ's care and following. And in doing so He has blessed me with all I have around me. The church, my fellowships, my friends, and my purpose. I must remember to INCLUDE Him in all of my endeavors, even in my doubts, for without him none of this would be possible. You wouldn't be reading this (God bless you all), And I surely would not be writing this if it was not within His good purpose.
So what does this have to do with love...? I have made considerable progress on the separation of love and lust. I can see in some where love is, where it hides, and why it cannot be shown. I have heard the lies, the excuses, and cover ups as to why it cannot be uncovered. Yet I have seen in others love in its purity. In it's innocence... In it's respectful, kind, joyful nature. I am ensnared by the faithfulness of some. Who captivate me to learn from them. To which we share together, our praising of the Lord. I stand astounded by the discovery in itself, not only am I unaware of how to address such an encounter, but I am fearful of my approach. All of a sudden the child in me gazes upward, fixing his eyes back on the stucco ceiling. I am patient, I am kind, I will not boast, I revoke my opinion, I will respect and remain humble, I will incur no feelings of doubt, and will continue to honor God above all. What a joy it is for the little boy in me to be released from imprisonment. I am not certain I will ever come full circle to an understanding of love in it's profound God-breathed meaning. However, I can see it in the eyes of those they belong, and I know that this is where I'm supposed to be.
(I author this today, not for you to read, but for me to understand. My emotions set before others so that I may be totally honest with myself.)
Of course, let us now cross reference 1st Corinthians 13:4 "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. " this has been intriguing me, and I'm sure many Christians in the like, who don't overlook this scripture.
Let me think of some of my Ex- Girlfriends... Was I; Patient, No... Envious, Yes... Boastful and proud, Let me think, Uhh yes... Rude, HAH! Easily angered, That was me... All in the name of "Love". I like to believe that I have since made progress on this issue of what Love really is, as opposed to what it was. I can remember staying up late as a child, staring at the ceiling, lying on my back on the riddled carpet, just pondering the subject. Thinking of all of the right answers, thinking of all the things I would say and do, thinking about getting married and wondering why...
Since then, I seem to have wholly missed the point of selfless love. I have honed right on into the dictionary's term on a selfish note. I have strayed far from my youthful ideals of flowers and praise. Of course I've picked and purchased flowers, and sang songs of praise to my previous "loved ones". Pretty much when I was trying to get them to take me back or when I wanted something from them... when I concentrate in on who did most of all the straying, it was always me. Absolutely, did I love to be awash in the pools of self pity I would nearly drown myself in, and spout curses to all those near and far. However, painfully, it was in losing image of who I really was meant to be, that brought shame and misfortune into my life. I alone am responsible for the depravity of my past.
With that being said, Am I at all changed in my perception of what Love is or should be? Do I show true interest in learning the word, or have I cunningly tricked myself into being a Christian with blind ethic? Have I experienced the patient love the scripture speaks of? Yes, I have. There is no questioning the perseverance of hope in God's promise to me, the rejoice in seeing truth amongst others, and the steadfast joy in loving others than my own. Yet, why is it I so often succumb to overwhelming waves of doubt?!
For if I took any of these experiences for granted they would simply fade in meaning. God continues to work with me on a daily basis, revealing more and more of himself gloriously. By the people he puts in front of me, to the sound friendships He is constructing for me. However, sometimes I tend to misconstrue His promise. I over analyze each feature of his goodness, so that it pertains to my situation in the timely fashion that conforms to me. I continually doubt myself based upon what He provides me. Which has me wondering, If I am believing in a promise that I have fashioned to suit my own wants and desires.
I stand at the crossroads of "relieving control, and taking control". I have surrendered my life to Christ's care and following. And in doing so He has blessed me with all I have around me. The church, my fellowships, my friends, and my purpose. I must remember to INCLUDE Him in all of my endeavors, even in my doubts, for without him none of this would be possible. You wouldn't be reading this (God bless you all), And I surely would not be writing this if it was not within His good purpose.
So what does this have to do with love...? I have made considerable progress on the separation of love and lust. I can see in some where love is, where it hides, and why it cannot be shown. I have heard the lies, the excuses, and cover ups as to why it cannot be uncovered. Yet I have seen in others love in its purity. In it's innocence... In it's respectful, kind, joyful nature. I am ensnared by the faithfulness of some. Who captivate me to learn from them. To which we share together, our praising of the Lord. I stand astounded by the discovery in itself, not only am I unaware of how to address such an encounter, but I am fearful of my approach. All of a sudden the child in me gazes upward, fixing his eyes back on the stucco ceiling. I am patient, I am kind, I will not boast, I revoke my opinion, I will respect and remain humble, I will incur no feelings of doubt, and will continue to honor God above all. What a joy it is for the little boy in me to be released from imprisonment. I am not certain I will ever come full circle to an understanding of love in it's profound God-breathed meaning. However, I can see it in the eyes of those they belong, and I know that this is where I'm supposed to be.
(I author this today, not for you to read, but for me to understand. My emotions set before others so that I may be totally honest with myself.)
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