This Could Be My Last Birthday

I woke this morning to the gentleness of my wife in my arms.  With frazzled hair, she squinted her eyes, turned to face me and said "Happy Birthday!  You're almost 30!"  It is true.  Today, no different than any other day, happens to be my 28th birthday.  "It's totally possible that I could have congestive heart failure" I said, "It's true, you very well may have already lived half your life." And just like that, in distinct Cindy fashion, as only she could, Cindy constructed a perspective that I was simply not considering.  Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on how you look at it) she may be right!  I go through my days so scheduled, so busy, so monotonous, that I haven't even realized that half of my life may have already breezed by.

With that said, what have I done?  How have I made an imprint on this world?  Have I been consumed by the rat race?  Have I been deluded by capitalism, materialism, or something of the like?  Has my pursuit thus far of just getting by created a barrier to my life enriching this world, or have I lived a consumer's life?

I cannot answer for you, actually, yes I can, because when it all boils down, life is not about how much pleasure you can ingest, how much fun you have with your friends, how often you get laid, or how drunk you get on weekends.  Neither does it matter how good you are at sports, how many Pokemon you've captured, or how much money your financial group has acquired, in the end that stuff is meaningless.  You will simply end up on your deathbed unable to take any of it with you, yearning for peace and certainty of a tomorrow.

Speaking of tomorrow, what will I do?  From time to time, I just feel stuck.  I am stuck in a system of someone else's dream.  Right now, I happen to work at a scooter shop that's not mine, last year I worked at a supermarket that wasn't mine.  I desperately want to do my own thing, but I guess my perspective shouldn't be getting what's mine, but how I ought to live so that my today will better everyone else's tomorrow, even if I am living within someone else's dream.

It's okay then, because I am living a life that really isn't mine, in a world that isn't mine, inside a universe that isn't mine, but that idea runs a bit counter-cultural don't you think?  Artists pretend to create, physicists observe set laws, and scientists wrestle to understand, but in the end, all there is simply is.  So let me leave you with this, if I have lived half of my life already (who knows this could be my last day) what inescapable questions must I answer?  What gives my life meaning, purpose, and essence?  I know the answer to the unavoidable questions, but not by my own merit.  Instead, wisdom of true life relies upon losing this one.  I don't think I'll be dancing on my deathbed, but I am fully confident in my place at Christ's table in Heaven.  Therefore, I am uncomfortable going about my daily life if it is not utterly devoted to others knowing their place too.  Whether 50% or 98% of my life has already expired, the remaining days, hours, or minutes, shall be given to showing humanity the only hope it has, Jesus Christ.

"Yet a little while and the world will see me no more, but you will see me. Because I live, you also will live." -Jesus (John 14:19)

"Then Jesus said to his disciples, “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me.  For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it.  What good will it be for someone to gain the whole world, yet forfeit their soul? Or what can anyone give in exchange for their soul?" -Jesus  (Matthew 16:24-26)

"But what about you?" he asked. “Who do you say I am?” -Jesus (Matthew 16:15)

Who knows...?