You Might Know Me...

So check it out, a lot of you might know me now and think of me as the "Resident Christian" or the guy who gets offended when there is nudity, profanity, or obscenity.  And you would be right in assuming that.  But let's get this straight, although I do offend easily, it's not because I am trying to stage some pseudo-righteousness out of everyone in the room.  No, I can't really explain it as easily as I am trying, because it is a hatred of sin that was given to me by God and that's tough to explain in a few sentences.

Let me introduce you to my inner world.  My thought life.  I am ashamed most of the time of the things that circulate through my head.  Again, at work and church you probably think I'm a pretty upbeat and positive guy, but I am negative by nature and my wife will be the first to vouch for that.

This is Ryan circa 2003

This is still pretty much who I am on the inside.  Yes, Christ has revealed to me truth and enlightened my understanding quite a bit, but deep in there, I am still the non-conformist rebel at heart.

Which brings me back to my last point.  I am really struggling with some internal battles.  My whole life I was dependent on pornography.  You probably wonder why I talk so much about this.  The reason is, it is absolutely devastating to one's life.  Pornography will terrorize your relationships, shred your moral fabric to pieces, demolish anyone's trust in you, and leave you bleak, miserable, and hopeless.  If it wasn't for Christ, it would be hopeless.  This isn't the actual statistic, but I have heard it said on the radio and other places that only 10% of teenage boys these days are not addicted to pornography.  The age where boys are introduced to the stuff used to be around 12, but recent studies have shown it to be around 5 years old now!  This is pandemic.  This is Satan's atomic bomb and I never hear our local churches ever talking about it!  

Let's talk about porn for a little longer.  Did you know that it remaps your brain?  Now, I am no neurologist, but I have read studies and books on the subject and can personally attest that pornography rewires your sexual appetites to crave it rather than real, authentic, intimacy.  Hence, the love-hate relationship.  I absolutely HATE pornography, I hate looking at it, I hate the feeling after I have looked at it, I hate how it victimizes and objectifies people, I hate that it funds organized crime and terrorism, I hate how it warps the mind into utter darkness and perversion, I HATE PORNOGRAPHY!  But at the same time, I struggle to keep myself away from it.

I have heard statistics (and this is no research paper) about how men in the ministry struggle with pornography addiction.  The number is astounding, I know it's well over half, and I recall some pastors reporting that over three quarters of Christian ministers are addicted to pornography!  Why aren't we bringing this to light again?!

This is a severe problem we have on our hands.  These addictions are ruining credibility, but only because we get offended when we see something provocative and then go and delight ourselves in it when no one is watching.  That is not integrity.  Look at what Jesus said; 

In the meantime, when so many thousands of the people gathered together that they were trampling one another, he said to his disciples first, "Beware of the leaven of the Pharisees which is hypocrisy.  Nothing is covered up that will not be revealed, or hidden that will not be known.  Therefore whatever you have said in the dark will be heard in the light, and what you have whispered in private rooms shall be proclaimed on the housetops." (Luke 12:1-3)

Notice how before He addresses the crowd He addresses His closest followers.  He addresses His disciples and pretty much says that they are on exhibit.  The whole world is going to be watching them and they will not be able to get away from the sin of hypocrisy.  Look, I proclaim it upon myself that sometimes I am the biggest hypocrite, but I believe in exposing my sins to the light.

After all, that's why people refuse to come to the light.  They simply will not accept that the perverted desires of what was intended to be good is in fact sin.  I didn't even make that up, it's what the Bible says!  

"This is the verdict: Light has come into the world, but people loved darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil.  Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that their deeds will be exposed.  But whoever lives by the truth comes into the light, so that it may be seen plainly that what they have done has been done in the sight of God." (John 3:19-21)

I am probably no different than you and you are probably no different than me.  We all have our struggles.  We all are in this boat together.  Without Christ, we would all be without hope.  I struggle with pornography ever so little in comparison to how I used to consume it up to three times daily.  Maybe if I am really weak, I will stumble after so many weeks or months, but I am still an addict, and I am still in need of bringing that sin into the light.  I truly believe that when we in the church become transparent, that's when the world will no longer be able to point their fingers and shout "hypocrite", but will instead say "yeah, I am struggling with that too."  In the church, we always want to be relevant, well let's put down the front and be relevant where it counts.  We all struggle with some sin somewhere, and in Christ we have achieved monumental victory after victory with no glory of our own.  My name is Ryan Jackson and I have been saved by grace.