Are Children's Ministries Bad for Kids?

I can comment on this subject through life experience, so here we go... I'm 37, my wife is 33, our two boys are 6 and 2... I've pastored in churches with absolultely NO children's ministries and I've served and attended churches with children's ministries budgeted in the multi-million dollars.

I believed that the best way to instill in our kids what we believe was to worship with them... Or at least I believed that to mean they should come worship "with us." I used to argue this topic in bible college, advocating against children's ministry and childcare as counterproductive to our kid's spiritual maturity...  

But then I had kids...

And I tried... I tried SO HARD to put my money where my mouth was, but I've seen some stuff... I've seen kids, while their dad is giving the invitation (and their mom is playing the invitational on the piano), leap out of their seat screaming like a maniac, launch at their mother, screaming "MOMMY! MOMMY! MOMMY!" grabbing mommy by the neck and pulling her nearly off the piano stool...  

I've seen mom's, absolultely overwhelmed trying to keep their infants from completely taking over a service... I've seen dads banished to quiet rooms where churches have neglected quality sound equipment, so they end up sitting there as if they were in time out, secluded from the rest of the congregation and questioning their life's decisions up to that point.

I've also seen the absolute soul rot we feed our kids and try to pass it off as "curriculum" (I'm looking at you 'So and So Show'). One minute of "Bible Teaching?" and 15 minutes of fluff.  

Reality is, the solution is more nuanced than we would like to believe, because our kids are more nuanced than we would like to believe. Some kids absolutely NEED to be in an atmosphere where they are being loved and led in such a way that prioritizes their needs. Some kids do just fine being with their moms and dads and will watch and emulate what they see. And some kids just go through these stages as they develop.

I'm in favor of childcare and children's ministries! Just try wrangling some kids week in and week out and you'll find yourself not looking forward to church week in and week out. Yes, Jesus said to let the children come to Him... But he also spoke of the importance of the quiet place... Parenting can be extremely wearisome and sometimes you NEED to have church be a place of sanctuary and not additional stress.

But let me say this... We should not engender an attitude of just "dumping" our kids off and just tuning out of their spiritual lives completely. Like it or not, we are still the leaders of their spiritual development, regardless of whose on the church's payroll...  

And there we find that God had spoken to this issue millenia ago... Now, I dont currently keep the Sabbath (to my own detriment), but I have seen families flourish as they have devoted their homes to the eager anticipation of keeping the Sabbath. Do you want your kids to see that what you believe is real to you? Take a day to praise God IN YOUR HOME. No distractions... No getting angry at what needs to be done around the house... Just rest, peace, and being intentional about Christ's presence filling you and your home. It is a totally holistic and organic way to worship God.

On one hand, we gather our children, set aside one day to pursue the Lord in song, prayer, thanksgiving, and having a meal with family... 

On the other hand, we have "Hurry up! Get dressed! We're gonna be late! Why did you get food on your nice shirt! Settle down! Quit being so childish!" Followed by the inevitable spiritual facade we put on and our kids see straight through...

No wonder they put off the faith at their earliest ability. They so often see our hypocrisy and they aren't stupid.

So how do we remedy the situation? I still believe that the answer is to worship with our kids... But with the understanding that this doesn't always mean for them to "worship with us."

For parents, we have to understand our children, spiritually and developmentally. We also have to understand if their "faith" is truly their own or if it is an act they are putting on to please their parents (which is an altogether different conversation).

Churches, however, need to prioritize children's ministries with engaging and thought provoking curriculum. They need to find ways to let kids be kids, but probably not catering to every childish desire (video games at church, endless sweets, and magnifying social media) are probably not the healthiest contributions to spiritual maturity. We don't need to coerce our kids to go to church...

Let them see you worship. Let them see it's real to you by how you seek Christ's presence. Let them feel the difference the Holy Spirit makes in you and in their environment. Otherwise, they'll be dipping once they realize a new community exists outside of the church...