The Awareness of Omniscience: The Tangibility of What We Believe

An unfortunate truth has dawned on me recently.  I believe in the tangibility of things rather than God.  How heartless of me?  Let me explain myself.  As you all know, I have been raised on a strict diet of pornography, resulting in addiction and the warping of my brain.  It's true, I affirm all of the studies that I see, it's frightening.  As a preventative measure, I have accountability software installed on my electronic devices as a safeguard.  What I have found is that when I am using an electronic device that does not have the accountability software on it, I am hard pressed to view inappropriate materials.  Quite often the temptation is so strong that I fall headlong into it.

This raises my point.  When the accountability software isn't looking, I feel free and off the hook to "slip up" or "struggle," but I seem to care less that an all knowing, perfect and holy God is right there beholding all I do.  I am more aware and reverent of my software than I am of my God.  How has this happened?

The question incites me to fervently examine my relationship with Him.  No, I am not questioning my salvation, but I am questioning my devotion, my worship.

Archbishop William Temple wrote,

“Worship is the submission of all of our nature to God.

It is the quickening of conscience by His holiness,

Nourishment of mind by His truth,

Purifying of imagination by His beauty,

Opening of the heart to His love,

And submission of will to his purpose.

And all this gathered up in adoration is the greatest of human expressions of which we are capable.”

I understand that worship is not a foggy, laser lit congregation on Sunday morning.  Sure, that could be part of our worship, but in essence worship is working out the great salvation that God has worked into us.  

I believe that as a vessel, riddled with impurities, when the light shines through, those impurities are made evident.  God has shone the light of His holiness through me and has highlighted those areas to which He must apply the balm of His sanctifying touch.  I fear. I cower.  I am ashamed.  As a sort of natural digression, I avoid the Great Physician.  Of course I would, I hate going to the doctor!  I hate admitting I am sick and in need of help.  As I write this, I lay confined in bed with flu, but will I go see a doctor?  Probably not...  My only desire is for the Healer of my heart to forgive me of my wandering and grant me repentance from willful disobedience and unbelief.

Psalm 73

 Surely God is good to Israel,

    to those who are pure in heart.

 But as for me, my feet had almost slipped;

    I had nearly lost my foothold.

 For I envied the arrogant

    when I saw the prosperity of the wicked.

 They have no struggles;

    their bodies are healthy and strong.

 They are free from common human burdens;

    they are not plagued by human ills.

 Therefore pride is their necklace;

    they clothe themselves with violence.

From their callous hearts comes iniquity;

    their evil imaginations have no limits.

 They scoff, and speak with malice;

    with arrogance they threaten oppression.

 Their mouths lay claim to heaven,

    and their tongues take possession of the earth.

 Therefore their people turn to them

    and drink up waters in abundance.

 They say, “How would God know?

    Does the Most High know anything?”

 This is what the wicked are like—

    always free of care, they go on amassing wealth.

 Surely in vain I have kept my heart pure

    and have washed my hands in innocence.

 All day long I have been afflicted,

    and every morning brings new punishments.

 If I had spoken out like that,

    I would have betrayed your children.

 When I tried to understand all this,

    it troubled me deeply

 till I entered the sanctuary of God;

    then I understood their final destiny.

Surely you place them on slippery ground;

    you cast them down to ruin.

 How suddenly are they destroyed,

    completely swept away by terrors!

 They are like a dream when one awakes;

    when you arise, Lord,

    you will despise them as fantasies.

 When my heart was grieved

    and my spirit embittered,

 I was senseless and ignorant;

    I was a brute beast before you.

 Yet I am always with you;

    you hold me by my right hand.

  You guide me with your counsel,

    and afterward you will take me into glory.

 Whom have I in heaven but you?

    And earth has nothing I desire besides you.

 My flesh and my heart may fail,

    but God is the strength of my heart

    and my portion forever.

  Those who are far from you will perish;

    you destroy all who are unfaithful to you.

 But as for me, it is good to be near God.

    I have made the Sovereign Lord my refuge;

    I will tell of all your deeds.