America, This is Freedom...
Last night I had a beer and I don't consider it a relapse. Yes, yes I am that guy who introduces himself as an alcoholic, drug addict, or a sex addict. So what happened? Why did I choose to break over three years of sobriety just to have one beer? Temptation? Peer pressure? A Moment of Weakness? No... Humility.
For so long I had been the weaker brother. I was offended by the idea of consuming alcohol, but just like that, God turned the page. He called me to humble myself, quit my religion, and trust Him. All of a sudden that chapter of Romans went from one sided to multidimensional. I understood it from a new perspective and I felt a new freedom wash over me.
Since my wedding, I have made new friends and have found a new job. All the while, God has been speaking very silently to my heart. He has reminded me that I have moved and that the sphere of influence that I now find myself in has changed considerably. I'm no longer part of a churchy bubble. In fact, I have more non-Christian friends than Christian now, and it is He who has placed me here.
Recently, I have felt the bite of legalism and a pinch of hypocrisy every time someone graciously offered me a drink and I would decline. It almost felt as if my testimony lost some sort of credit. No one has ever asked me to get drunk with them, nor will I, but they simply could not understand the freedom I testified and the apparent bondage I was in.
Therefore, God continued to speak softly. He urged me to find my identity. He reminded me of who I used to be and who I am now. He never once used my past against me. Yet, I cowered at what might happen if I accepted the notion of someone's gratitude in the form of a cocktail. Would I end up in a bender? Would it destroy my witness? After all, true Christians don't touch alcohol! (Except maybe, Jesus, his disciples, and Timothy...)
I realized that I had been very hard on people about drinking. I constantly challenged social drinkers, seeking to pin them as closet alcoholics. Somehow, without recognizing, I put myself on a pseudo-righteous pedestal and flaunted my sobriety. That's not why Jesus died. That's not what He set me free for and that's not what He commissioned me to proclaim.
So last night, Cindy and I talked about this. As an aspiring missionary, a fear of mine is offending someone by not accepting their gift. One thing I learned in Italy is that you eat everything on your plate not to offend the culture. Certain cultures might offer a glass of wine with their meal and it might be the finest of wines and the host's greatest symbol of gratitude. So would they understand that a self proclaimed Child of God, set free from his alcoholism, would dare not touch a drop of wine offered as a friendly gesture? Where was this supposed freedom that I claim? Is the God I preach too small to liberate me beyond my lack of trust in His work? God forbid I appear a stumbling block to anyone.
So how did I fall into this type of Phariseeism!? Cindy, who loves me more than any person in this world, who would never do anything or suggest anything to hurt me, lovingly looked into my eyes and reminded me that I am not that same person that I used to be and no longer have to live in fear of what might happen if indeed, I accepted a drink. Immediately, a stone rattled loose. The dust began to fall and a wall broke down. I let it fall. It became obvious that I have been mislabeling myself for three years now. I was an alcoholic, I was a drug addict, I was a sex addict, but then Christ gave me a new name! We read about it all over the New Testament and yet somehow I never got it!!! John 8:36 "So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed!" 2 Corinthians 5:17 " if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new." Duuuuuuuhhhh! It's basic!
I knew I was free, but I never accepted that I was free! I had never been tempted to take a drink in my sobriety, but I had digested the terminology from all my 12 step programs and acquired my identity from their doctrines rather than from Christ's! I lived in fear rather than freedom! Oh what dear love I have for my precious wife, who from a cold February evening, won my affection by the perspective she added to my life and continues to multiply as we walk together with Christ today.
By her testimony and the guidance of the Holy Spirit, I broke free from the devil's trap of legalism and pride and settled on having one beer. Cindy, again in her boundless wisdom, asked "What if you got to heaven and said, 'God I have kept sober thirty years' only to have Him say, 'Ryan I set you free thirty years ago.'" She was right. I was not keeping sober because I was truly afraid of relapsing as an alcoholic, I was keeping sober because I wanted that notch on my belt. I was building that stairway to heaven, and in the end, it would be burned away as chaff.
I felt a page turn in my life, a new dawn of spiritual maturity. I grabbed my Bible, swung it open to Romans 14 and read,
Therefore, God continued to speak softly. He urged me to find my identity. He reminded me of who I used to be and who I am now. He never once used my past against me. Yet, I cowered at what might happen if I accepted the notion of someone's gratitude in the form of a cocktail. Would I end up in a bender? Would it destroy my witness? After all, true Christians don't touch alcohol! (Except maybe, Jesus, his disciples, and Timothy...)
I realized that I had been very hard on people about drinking. I constantly challenged social drinkers, seeking to pin them as closet alcoholics. Somehow, without recognizing, I put myself on a pseudo-righteous pedestal and flaunted my sobriety. That's not why Jesus died. That's not what He set me free for and that's not what He commissioned me to proclaim.
So last night, Cindy and I talked about this. As an aspiring missionary, a fear of mine is offending someone by not accepting their gift. One thing I learned in Italy is that you eat everything on your plate not to offend the culture. Certain cultures might offer a glass of wine with their meal and it might be the finest of wines and the host's greatest symbol of gratitude. So would they understand that a self proclaimed Child of God, set free from his alcoholism, would dare not touch a drop of wine offered as a friendly gesture? Where was this supposed freedom that I claim? Is the God I preach too small to liberate me beyond my lack of trust in His work? God forbid I appear a stumbling block to anyone.
So how did I fall into this type of Phariseeism!? Cindy, who loves me more than any person in this world, who would never do anything or suggest anything to hurt me, lovingly looked into my eyes and reminded me that I am not that same person that I used to be and no longer have to live in fear of what might happen if indeed, I accepted a drink. Immediately, a stone rattled loose. The dust began to fall and a wall broke down. I let it fall. It became obvious that I have been mislabeling myself for three years now. I was an alcoholic, I was a drug addict, I was a sex addict, but then Christ gave me a new name! We read about it all over the New Testament and yet somehow I never got it!!! John 8:36 "So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed!" 2 Corinthians 5:17 " if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new." Duuuuuuuhhhh! It's basic!
I knew I was free, but I never accepted that I was free! I had never been tempted to take a drink in my sobriety, but I had digested the terminology from all my 12 step programs and acquired my identity from their doctrines rather than from Christ's! I lived in fear rather than freedom! Oh what dear love I have for my precious wife, who from a cold February evening, won my affection by the perspective she added to my life and continues to multiply as we walk together with Christ today.
By her testimony and the guidance of the Holy Spirit, I broke free from the devil's trap of legalism and pride and settled on having one beer. Cindy, again in her boundless wisdom, asked "What if you got to heaven and said, 'God I have kept sober thirty years' only to have Him say, 'Ryan I set you free thirty years ago.'" She was right. I was not keeping sober because I was truly afraid of relapsing as an alcoholic, I was keeping sober because I wanted that notch on my belt. I was building that stairway to heaven, and in the end, it would be burned away as chaff.
I felt a page turn in my life, a new dawn of spiritual maturity. I grabbed my Bible, swung it open to Romans 14 and read,
"I know and am convinced by the Lord Jesus that there is nothing unclean of itself; but to him who considers anything to be unclean, to him it is unclean. Yet if your brother is grieved because of your food, you are no longer walking in love. Do not destroy with your food the one for whom Christ died. Therefore do not let your good be spoken of as evil; for the kingdom of God is not eating and drinking, but righteousness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit. For he who serves Christ in these things is acceptable to God and approved by men.
Therefore let us pursue the things which make for peace and the things by which one may edify another. Do not destroy the work of God for the sake of food. All things indeed are pure, but it is evil for the man who eats with offense. It is good neither to eat meat nor drink wine nor do anything by which your brother stumbles or is offended or is made weak. Do you have faith? Have it to yourself before God. Happy is he who does not condemn himself in what he approves. But he who doubts is condemned if he eats, because he does not eat from faith; for whatever is not from faith is sin."
For so long I had been the weaker brother. I was offended by the idea of consuming alcohol, but just like that, God turned the page. He called me to humble myself, quit my religion, and trust Him. All of a sudden that chapter of Romans went from one sided to multidimensional. I understood it from a new perspective and I felt a new freedom wash over me.
Please, do not misinterpret what I am saying. I am NOT saying that Christ has set us free to go out and get drunk. No, Christ died that we may be free from sin. He didn't die so that we could be free to sin. So let's get that straight, because here in America, we have degrees for getting that wrong. Sin is still sin, Wine is still a mocker and strong drink a brawler, and whoever is led astray by them is still not wise (Proverbs 8:29). The abuse of alcohol is just like the abuse of any other thing God has created. I do not condone the perversion and exploitation of alcohol just as much as I do not condone the perversion and exploitation of sex, another thing God created "good", but was warped to fulfill our sinful lusts.
I have no desire to get drunk. I've delved those depths before and found them lacking. God has changed my desires. My heart is no longer the same as it was. For that I am truly grateful and am now witness of God's transforming grace. Furthermore, if this freedom has applied to my past alcoholic tendencies, then it must be true of all my other "Character Defects." Hasn't Christ set me free? Has He not destroyed my old man and resurrected a new and sanctified man from the tomb? Yes, indeed He has. I breathe with a new air of confidence today. Not in myself, but in the only God who lives and loves His children enough to save them from themselves.
"If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples. Then you will know the truth and the truth shall set you free." -John 8:31-32
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