Passion 2011!
To summarize into words the cumulative revelation and boundlessness of Jesus Christ, over this past week, by the attendance of the Passion 2011 conference in Atlanta, Georgia, would be completely futile. However, I, a futile willed man of the flesh, will attempt to gather into context the exact happenings of those four days in construction of what may be deemed, a testimony.
First and foremost, there is no reality to a life changing concert. Nor is there such a possibility that a speaker could impact your life on such a level that you would sacrifice self, and serve as a slave. Only the power of Jesus Christ, through the invasion of the Holy Spirit, may one hold on to an experience so profoundly. Glory to God in the highest heaven, forever and ever, Amen.
Day one:
Kenny Dove... "Wake up it's 6:45"
Late to the church in our departure, we rushed to compose our appearances, packed our minivan and hastily made way to God's house. Upon arrival, a gathering of eager students welcomed us sarcastically. Being blamed for the tardiness I took great joy in knowing, I had no such part, but was ready to embark on this journey. We prayed and set sail to the open road.
My good friends Kenny Dove, and Andrew Zaiter, accompanied this shuttle bound for Atlanta, with Kenny, the pilot, and Andrew the comic relief. We joked about recreating the exodus and wired a flatulence application to our car stereo via an iPhone, and continued to blow people away. The trip went rather smooth and fast forwarding to approximately 7 hours later we were entering a rainy Atlanta.
I personally had no expectations to this trip. I was ready to be open, honest, and willing, but I was little prepared for what God had in store for me. I was certainly excited to see the welcomes we were receiving in the forms of high fives and cheers. The generous umbrella holders who aided in our crossing of thoroughfare emanated love and service, and I was beginning to assume this was not going to be of the norm.
We registered, received our wristbands, and tried to make sense of the color coding and brochures. Us first timers, were rather surprised to see these colored wristbands and what was called "Community Groups". Some of my church members seemed in reproach that we would not be in the same groups... I on the other hand was enthralled.
We made our way to the "Go Center" (Store, and donation depot), picked up some books, and various other medias, and took in the sights and sounds of the bustling economy of students surrounding. At once we received a call from our youth pastor calling us back to our cars and to check into our hotel rooms. We then, picked up and made our way from parking garage to hotel lobby, where the floors were littered with sleeping students. All sporting the latest Passion namesakes.
We ourselves, waited feverishly upon the cold polished floor as our rooms were not that of being ready. We joked, fellowshipped, watched videos on our phones, and even realized that there was caviar in the bathroom equipment. This would be the longest time spent with my church family, in one place, I would experience the duration of the trip.
Fast forward again, past the elevators, the crowded hotel room, the bathroom incident, and the hour long wait in the Arby's line we made our way to the Phillips Arena, for our first taste of Passion 2011. Chris Tomlin, Louie Giglio, Christy Nockels, and other appointed persons led us 22,000 students into a frenzy of worship. I separated a bit from my church group here and made friends with those around me. The first being an Asian man named "Elton". Elton and I became quick friends. The love of Christ, being filled in him and I, quickly overflowed into a friendship. And as we were urged to form prayer triangles, I formed a prayer point, and only had one other partner, a man to my right, named "Kevin". I as usual unknowingly consumed most of the time in prayer, and left little time for Kevin, which seemed fitting as he wasn't the most keen on public prayer... We sang our hearts in joy and lifted holy hands and we were then dispersed into our "Community Groups". Surprisingly BOTH left and right of me, Elton and Kevin, were amongst the very members of the STRIPED PURPLE community group. We then descended the arena and met in the basement of the hotel I was staying in for some authentic Christian fellowship.
Elton and I lost Kevin, but figured we'd see him later (not being the case amongst the 1500 students in our small group), and we sat down in front of the stage awaiting the start of the uncertainty that was "Community Group". Our community group leader, A pastor named "Todd" from a church entitled Rock Harbor, in the Orange County vicinity of California, led us in these times of fellowship. He instructed us all to stand, and to look at the floor, and walk. Attempting to shield myself from a broken nose, Elton and I walked precariously around the room, until we were told to find like colored shoes and form groups of 8 or 9. Being that I was wearing black shoes, and Elton white... We separated, I would not see him again these four days...
As I gazed up from the floor, I set eyes on some of the most tender faces I have ever encountered. There was Amy, Allison, Trevor, Elizabeth, Christin, Macy, Chris, and one guy wearing white shoes we dragged in, Michael. We shook hands, sat down, and I for one, instantly fell in love... We were instructed to go around and introduce ourselves. Amongst our small "Family Group", we held people from Mexico?, Chicago (Australia), Alabama, Tennessee, Georgia, and of course, Florida. Yet we were all one in the same, being brothers and sisters in Christ.
We socialized more, got macro testimonies from one another, and got to know a little about our expectations from the conference. Then we were asked to elect group leaders or "facilitators". My heart of course, jumped at this... However, in my wanting to attain humility out of the conference I kept my mouth shut, and pointed at Ms. Christin, for she herself was very charismatic and appeared worthy of the role. As some of our fingers aimed at her, she said one of the coolest things I've ever heard... "I don't mind being the leader, but are there any guys that want to lead? The bible speaks of the man being the spiritual leader soooo..." And as humbly as I could I jumped at the opportunity handed to me by God, through his humble servant, backed by the scripture. This was one of MANY revelations I would have as to my reaffirmation of my future.
We prayed for each other, dismissed groups, and made our way back over to the Phillips arena for a concert led by none other than the David Crowder Band. They performed many a Christmas tune, and climaxed with "How He Loves". The scale of worship in the room, with the reminiscent faces of my small group began to awaken my heart to a level I had never ascended. The fact that I have made many friends in these past four hours and that there would be many more to come, led to an assertion that I could go anywhere in this body and love.
Back at the hotel room, I journaled at the criticism of my friends, that this was easily the coolest thing I have ever done, and I had yet to begin to experience the awesome charity and serenity of the peace and providence of our Lord Jesus Christ.
Day Two:
Arising before all others in my group, I hurried to compose myself in an orderly fashion, to meet the frostbitten dawn of Atlanta. Truly I was excited beyond words to once again meet with my "Family Group", and this became the routine for the next three days; Hotel by one, bed by two, arise by seven, eat by eight, and love by nine.
As group leader, I constantly remained late in the arrival and formation of my extended family, often arriving last and this normally was the case. I certainly was glad we didn't go with the initial thrilling idea of playing "Musical Groups" and utilizing our contact information to find one another. Though a great idea to form unity, I probably would have lost my mind in haste. Again we shared, loved, and prayed for one another and upon being given the time to fellowship we were then dismissed to enjoy our main session.
This was a blur to me, I cannot even remember who spoke at the second session, but what I do remember is being separated from my church group, and feeling quite alright with that. Even running into Trevor at random, who was seated behind me amongst 22,000 other students. I was taking note of something called, "The body of Christ".
After session, and a provided boxed lunch (God bless those volunteers), Andrew and I met up again and misunderstood, break and breakout session on our schedule and just went running around the streets of downtown Atlanta. We had a wonderful time, playing in fountains, listening to "Chariots of Fire", being soaked in freezing weather, and meeting with our first homeless man, Terry Hartman. This began a festival of giving, witnessing, and selflessness. I say this not to boast but to indicate the providence of God.
Fast forward now past the ironing, and friends wondering where I have been this whole time... Let us arrive in the Georgia World Conference Center, where friendships would spring forth, and revelations be given. During worship, Andrew and I went up front to the stage for some dancing. We danced, and as Andrew proclaimed he was about to throw up, he returned to his seat. I however, continued praising God with every breath I could take in, and overflowing with love again reached to my left and hugged a young man equally excited to be praising the LORD. I introduced myself, and he, himself as Luke... We then separated and went back to our seats.
After bearing witness to an enthusiastic Francis Chan. We were asked to depart our arenas and conference centers in a silent march. Not speaking a word, but to reflect and revere all that we were being given by God. It was in this culmination of sight and sound (or lack thereof), that I instantly overflowed with the spirit. I spilled love on all of those around me, I grabbed my church family and embraced each one of them, silently and with tears, my heart was being forever altered. Love was being "Redefined", and as I walked silently amongst the masses, God revealed...
Revelation number one:
"Anywhere I go, I am never alone. Everywhere I go, there is the body of Christ. If Christ is who he is, which HE IS, and if Christ is love, and we are receivers and transmitters of Christ's love, I will never again go unloved. Even if I am a single Christian in a Muslim nation, I carry the seed that sprouts forth love. I hold within me, a renewable resource of love and acceptance. Thus I have nothing to fear, in loneliness or rejection forever on."
We silently made way back to community groups, I snuck a blanket from my bed through the hotel, so that my family would have something other than hard floor to sit on. Of course this made me late, however they loved the idea, and we drew closer in proximity and charity. Amongst 1500 people we were the only ones sitting rather comfortably. We reflected on what God had been giving us and at the end of the group, Pastor Todd, sent out the call for anyone to stand if they were struggling with baggage, hindering them in their faith. I stood, even though I didn't truly know what I was being weighed down by. As I stood, he then called those sitting to stand and lay their hands on those in need of prayer. Christin laid her hand on my shoulder and prayed. As she prayed that I be set free from whatever was burdening me, I was once again overflowing with love and spirit, and as she said amen we embraced, and I WAS FREE!
A bomb had gone off within my mind, and I was left in a trance. Groups were dismissed and yet all I could do was get on my knees on my blanket and praise God. I sat back up and as all began to settle I finally experienced the Serenity I constantly pray that God would grant me! I attempted to pick up and leave to go see the concert I was looking forward to, and seeing Christin journaling against the wall, I again fell down resigning "I can't go...". I got on my knees and prayed again. Opening my eyes, I laid on my back and looked upon the ceiling at all that it was composed of. It was at this instant God revealed...
Revelation number two:
By merely being a part of creation, the poly vinyl duct work was shouting praise to God. The paint was living and breathing and singing praise to God, as was the insulation, and the fluorescent lights casting themselves down, declaring the glory of God. I then lowered my eyes to the floor, where there were people. People praying, worshiping, and overflowing with love onto one another in prayer and consolation, and I realized just how different we as humans were. The paint and light fixtures praise God because that's all they can do, but we as humans have been given this supernatural ability to love, "True Love", "CHRIST LOVE", and the ability to affect all with it. By the emptying of self, and the being filled with the spirit, this leads to an overflow of Christ love. This Redefined, again my perception of love. Everything I thought I knew was wrong. Love was selfish, prayer was misguided, worship was done in a sense of unworthiness, and my means of quiet time in meditation was backwards. No longer shall I close my eyes in silence and focus, intent on canceling all out in attempts to hear God, but forever now shall I take all in. Tuning into the constant praise of all that is created, and truly experiencing and seeing firsthand how God created US in HIS image.
Before departing, I stayed and prayed with a few young ladies, then headed toward the escalator hotel bound. As I just about made my way up a young lady caught the attention of the spirit flowing inside of me. I said hello and I stepped back from the flowing staircase and easily made conversation with an accented young lady named Ewa. She was a sweetheart, she expressed that she enjoyed my words, and we spoke of from where we hailed. She was from Kentucky, but more notably by her accent from Poland. She asked what brought me to Jacksonville, and I gave her my testimony as her friend Kendra approached and introduced herself. We stood and talked for quite some time until we were escorted out of the exhibit hall. After a lengthy prayer we parted, and I was left with a sense of belonging, love and peace. God was alive in all of his people, and the Holy Spirit was pairing and grouping those he deemed worthy of interaction. It was a beautiful experience to encounter such kind spirits.
So I disembarked and returned through the still bustling CNN center, and out the doors toward my hotel. Upon exiting I was greeted at once by a bundled man, smoking a cigarette appearing rather cold on that frigid night. He asked for some change and I proceeded to give him my change, of course letting him know that I am not a nice person, and that this change is not from me but from Christ Jesus. I asked him if I could pray for him, so I took him in my arms and we prayed a long encouraging prayer. Moved by the prayer I was convicted for the fact that I held a twenty dollar bill in my pocket. Now I had given five to Terry in the park, but I didn't feel comfortable giving a homeless man all of my remaining food money. Yet as I confessed to him that I had never gone without need in my life, I handed him the twenty dollars so that he could purchase himself a stay at a local shelter.
I used this opportunity of course, to witness. As I handed him my last bit of money, I reinforced the fact that I could do so because God would provide for me, just as God would provide for him. I also exclaimed that this money is a gift and that the fear of him going out and buying something other than what it was purposed does run in my mind. However, I then stated, that conviction is a funny thing, and that I don't know how the money will be used but I won't have to deal with the conviction if it not be used accordingly. I related with him as an addict, and then drew similarity between the gift I just gave and the gift of salvation God gave us through Christ Jesus. I reiterated that just as I gave him money, he has the ability to accept or reject it according to it's purpose, and that he also shares the same ability in accepting or rejecting Christ as his personal savior and Lord.
We made our way toward the shelter, watched a student try to jump over a barrier and hang himself up on it, and continued to speak entirely of Jesus. Clearly this man was not saved and I relayed the message we had been given that Jesus didn't come to be served but to serve. He came to descend down the ladder of the social system all the way to a criminal's death, only to be exalted to the highest of high, so that we may be slaves in him. I clarified the word slave, because if we were merely workers we would then be expecting a wage, but in our slavery we would one day be set free. I explained the story of Jesus washing the feet of the servant and clarified how demeaning that would be by Jewish customs, and that with the money I gave him, that was my act of washing his feet... Because I forgot my sponge... We laughed, and prayed again, embraced and departed. I felt good, but then realized my copy of God's living and breathing word, had lived and breathed itself away from me. This put a damper on my feelings until I realized how awesome a welcome package it was to Christianity. It held; A brand new apologetics study bible, a copy of C.S. Lewis' "Screwtape Letters", some tracts, Christmas cards to my friends, and some business cards to my church. What a blessing it was to lose as gain.
Day Three:
Up by seven, fed by eight, in love by nine... Family group was refreshing, however certain people were missing. Macy had left the group after the first meeting. Amy had taken time to digest what she had been fed the night before and missed one session, and this morning Chris slept in due to his car being towed and a late night excursion to retrieve it. All of these situations poised the enemy a perfect platform to distract us from what we were being given, even Trevor misplaced his wallet and had it emptied of all but his license, yet it is the joy of my heart to say that those schemes never gave the enemy a stronghold. We said our prayers, embraced one another lovingly, and we set out for the afternoon's main session in the Phillips Arena again. Upon exiting I ran into a familiar face. Luke! It was cool to know that he was part of our Striped Purple community group, that out of 22,000 people he was within the 1500 in the same room. We separated and I met back up with my church group to watch Andy Stanley deliver a great message.
I wont go into the messages in detail, because it wasn't the messages that had their impact on me. I could relate to the messages by my being saved, and my being in recovery, but what appealed to me over every single pretty face, over all the noise, and pronounced messages, was the body of Christ. The 22,000 students in one place raising already over 500,000 dollars in the name of Jesus, and bearing fruit everywhere. To which God revealed to me...
Revelation :number three:
The body of Christ.
".... Holy Father, keep them through your name which you have given me, that they may be one, even as we are. .... Not for these only do I pray, but for those also who believe in me through their word, that they may all be one; even as you, Father, are in me, and I in you, that they also may be one in us; that the world may believe that you sent me. The glory which you have given me, I have given to them; that they may be one, even as we are one; I in them, and you in me, that they may be perfected into one; that the world may know that you sent me, and loved them, even as you loved me." (John 17:11, 20-23)
" For just as the body is one and has many members, and all the members of the body, though many, are one body, so it is with Christ. For in one Spirit we were all baptized into one body—Jews or Greeks, slaves or free—and all were made to drink of one Spirit. For the body does not consist of one member but of many. If the foot should say, “Because I am not a hand, I do not belong to the body,” that would not make it any less a part of the body. And if the ear should say, “Because I am not an eye, I do not belong to the body,” that would not make it any less a part of the body. If the whole body were an eye, where would be the sense of hearing? If the whole body were an ear, where would be the sense of smell? But as it is, God arranged the members in the body, each one of them, as he chose. If all were a single member, where would the body be? As it is, there are many parts, yet one body. The eye cannot say to the hand, “I have no need of you,” nor again the head to the feet, “I have no need of you.” On the contrary, the parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable, and on those parts of the body that we think less honorable we bestow the greater honor, and our unpresentable parts are treated with greater modesty, which our more presentable parts do not require. But God has so composed the body, giving greater honor to the part that lacked it, that there may be no division in the body, but that the members may have the same care for one another. If one member suffers, all suffer together; if one member is honored, all rejoice together." (1st Cor. 12:12-27)
It was ever so clear that with all that we were being fed, we would want to all become missionaries. While there was nothing wrong with that, it is that same eagerness and ambition that the enemy would exploit. We alone can accomplish not much of anything, we could take from these preachings that we must do do do do, however I began to see that as we remained, the solid body of Christ, it was in unity that we bore fruit. Alone we could not have given over half a million and rising, nor walking quietly would we rattle the streets of Atlanta alone, but in a mass of 22,000 students, we acquired profound results. These of course are all results I have seen, we will never know the full image of Christ we reflected on this desperate world, until we get to heaven. Simply put, "We are human beings, NOT human doings". "Be still and know that I am God..." -Psalm 46:10
So as session spilled out into the street, we were given boxed lunches once again (providence). The image was that of armies moving. 22,000 students in the streets receiving rations. As I attempted to find Andrew amongst the masses we inevitably were separated and as I continued searching for his waving bible, I heard a voice again out of the crowd. "Hey man whatsup?"... LUKE!
The odds of us meeting at random now three times within the past 15 hours were monstrous, and acknowledging that it was God leading our steps into one another, we sat down and had lunch. We got to know each other, learned that we are of the same age and both celebrating birthdays four days apart from one another, it was safe to say that we had much in common. Even the time lapse from attendance of our first Passion conferences and our times from being saved were that of striking similarity. As we finished up eating and sharing testimonies we headed to scrap our leftovers and instead of giving the spare bags of chips and cookies we didn't eat away to the homeless shelter, we figured we could personally give it to a homeless person later in attempts to witness. We also decided to stick together because God was getting ready to show us something big.
I traveled with Luke and his church family, and eventually made another friend by the name of BJ. He was Luke's friend, a nice attentive, student in architecture coming from a Korean background. He made music, and knew his scripture well. God tied us all together, and we were all happy to be great friends on the spot. I was blessed enough to meet up with the rest of Luke's Alabama church group, and we sat in on Gabe Lyons breakout session.
After the session we decided to distribute the potato chips and utilize the time for some proper witnessing. We made our way through the bustling Georgia World Conference Center, and out into Atlanta's Centennial park, which always seemed to be abound with the homeless. Indeed, after only a few short steps in did Luke spot a group of homeless gathered. Unfortunately there were six, and as we took note that we couldn't give two out of six hungry people chips, we prepared to press on. Until, 4 of them walked away, I clearly stated "Hey look! God made a way."
So I approached one man and Luke the other. The man I approached was rather cold, and informed me he was on the phone, so I turned my attention to Luke handing his chips to a rugged, winsome man. "You're gonna bring me chips and no water?!" He boldly exclaimed. Luke laughed and we introduced ourselves as being in town at the Passion conference, explaining exactly what it was, as he kindly introduced himself as "Brooks... Cedric, Brooks". This began probably the most influential and inherently valuable session of the entire conference.
We asked him basic questions to probe into the life of a lost soul, and attained mixed signals. He never denied Christ, nor did he ever advocate agnosticism. We attempted to witness and decided to pray with him. As we prayed I couldn't help but notice how hot this man's hands were. They were nearly burning mine, and he was dwelling out in the cold. Anyhow, after prayer he came alive! He knew his scripture well, much more than I, and he knew of the unknown. He spoke of many truths, and he told us one thing as I began to ease off guard. "What you guys are doing is great, but sometimes the best evangelizing you can do, is just to listen." It seemed Luke and BJ took to this immediately, I however was still trying to figure out if this guy really knew Christ, or just scripture. However eventually I realized God was somehow using this man to lead us as the setting sun silhouetted him with glowing aura.
So we sat at his feet and I took notes on the various subjects he spoke. These are the notes I jotted down in the order I took them.
-There is no need to worry with God, there are such things as guardian angels and protectors.
-"This is little stuff compared to stuff 'I' (God) will have them do"
-Don't get caught up by distractions (pointing at buildings and busy thoroughfares)
-God can take ANY situation and turn it around (coming from a homeless man)
-It all starts with the man in the mirror. :)
-In order to have friends, you must first appear friendly.
-"People / lost souls, will gravitate towards the light, sometimes all you need to do is listen"
*It is your spirit that allows you to see that.
-God is a creator not a destroyer, even Lucifer he did not destroy, the devil himself needs permission before he can mess with us.
***Angels don't have a choice once they choose their paths to either serve God or satan.
**Man has the choice
At the last statement Luke's eyes rolled back in his head and he fell on his back realizing "That's how much he favored us". As he sat back up in amazement, I looked up from the feet of this brazen man as God revealed to me.
Revelation number four:
There was a race of angels somewhere out in heaven, and a legion of fallen angels below. If it wasn't enough that God created us in his same image, and gave us the supernatural ability to love he also gave himself so that we may have the ability to turn back from our misdirection. This was the ultimate symbol of love, and it had my head spinning.
Luke then opened his bible to Proverbs one, and began to read right into Proverbs 1:20-21, He then jumped up and ran around the perimeter of the sidewalk by which we were enclosed by all while declaring "Wisdom sings her song in the streets. In the public squares she raises her voice. At the corners of noisy streets she calls out. At the entrances to the city she speaks her words!" He returned to the feet of Cedric and rejoined the conversation brimming with excitement. Surely God had done for him what he himself was doing in all of us.
We continued to speak with Mr. Brooks, as he brought up various examples of demons crouching behind us, and hiding in the bushes, and that by speaking the name of Christ they would cringe and stay at a distance. He also assured us that he wouldn't allow anything to harm us physically as he retained his civilized composure. The odd part about his teachings were that they were all scripturally sound. His demeanor was composed with a dash of urban dialect and he spoke as if he had known. He was incredibly content, humble, and optimistic. Not that of what you would expect from a homeless man dwelling in the cold. Not to mention, he had all his teeth and seemed well oriented as if he did no such drugs, and was extremely sociable and loving. He prayed over us, embraced us, and sent us on our way. Yet never admitting once that he himself believed in Jesus nor was he a Christian.
As we made our way out of the park and back toward the conference, Luke excitingly proclaimed "I think that guy was an angel!". I of course, disagreed, but he then declared Hebrews 13:2 "Be not forgetful to entertain strangers: for thereby some have entertained angels unaware." One more time, a bomb went off in my mind, and it all made sense! He spoke as if he could see demons, he assured us that there were such things as guardian angels, and that he would not allow anything to harm us physically. He spoke of the many mansions and expanses, and spoke of the angels not having the ability to be redeemed. He gave us scripturally sound advice, and pointed out our personal attributes. In me who chose the attributes of a salesmen (Which is a definite attribute in how I approach getting children sponsored). The square in the middle of the city we spoke in was that of the random scripture Luke turned to. You could either be a skeptic, or you could acknowledge the fact that God is alive and well, and coincidences like these random meetings out of 22,000 people three times in less than a full day, leading up to this very point in time, to a homeless man who turned our evangelism around on us, and forced our ears to take heed, all in truth, with the affirmation from scripture does not necessarily happen very often...
We weighed out the things Mr. Brooks had said and held them to the light of the word, and came to the conclusion that this man was an angel, and we were unaware. We both had plans to meet our church groups for dinner, but sat through them in the park with Cedric. We shot some texts to our friends, and I exclaimed passionately to my youth pastor that he HAD to meet these new friends I have made. He unfortunately was across town at "What The Chicken". So we continued to stick together and we picked up some food from the CNN Center's bustling food court. We waited in line, at the incredibly efficient Chik-Fil-A, and forgetting that I had no money, Luke offered to pay for all of our food with the aid of a gift card he received for Christmas. This may seem like no big deal, but Luke had no idea I had given my last twenty dollars to the homeless the night before. This again was another AMAZING example of God's providence. Just as I had spoken to the man the previous night, God would provide for me as long as I would trust him. Humorously enough, our stomachs are usually larger than our faith and inebriate our trust in the Lord. We sat down, blessed our food and began to feed.
As we ate, a young man in a scooter, appearing to have been born with cerebral palsy, wheeled up to us, and caught our eye. I reached out and introduced myself, and he himself as "Edward". Luke looked up and stated that Edward meant "Wealth Protector", as we then made the assimilation from the lesson we had earlier attended on Jacob and Esau, that Edward, was a "Birthright Protector". We also drew that our God given birthright is eternity with him through salvation, and so Edward must then be a "Protector of those salvations". At this he reeled with joy and excitement, even standing up in his chair. As his excitement rose with our conversations of God given ambitions and a little bit of guy talk, we entered prayer. To my astonishment, Edward in prayer spoke as if his palsy had left him. He did not stutter, he did not flinch, he was well focused and his words were fiery and encouraging. He blessed me, Luke and BJ, and affirmed my aspirations to be a pastor. After Amen we continued eating and then parted ways.
It was now time to attend our main, and final evening session. I had earlier asked my youth pastor, Joe, to text me when he was in the vicinity of the arena. As Luke, BJ, and I walked towards the arena, we were rerouted by door holders, and as I was preparing to contact Joe, we merged with a stream of eager students, to whose faces were quite familiar. It was Joe and my church group! Again meeting by random chance amongst the 22,000 students. This was just entirely too cool, as he now had the opportunity to meet Luke and BJ. I attempted to explain how we met an angel, but explanation couldn't ever bring full light to the experience as it was personally. We made our way through security, talked some more, and as we entered the arena, Luke, BJ, and I separated This would be the last I would see them over the course of the conference.
As we found seats in and amongst the masses, I turned to Joe, and completely filled with the spirit, preached a sermon in full length. Over toned by the many revelations God had given me, I preached on "Redefinition". How love was no longer what I perceived it to be. How the body is love, and the body comforts all. How everything I thought I knew was backwards, from speaking to listening, from focusing all out, to taking all in. From doing, doing, doing, to being still in the body and bearing fruit.
Worship was undeniably heartfelt, every cell in my body praised Jesus. I began to shout lyrics for I had preached and sung my voice to shreds. I lifted holy hands and embraced my friends in song. Love had completely spilled all over around me. It was the most incredible, indescribable, yet fully attainable feeling. To not be ablaze with this passion of the Lord, was surely to be derived from one's lack of willingness to be emptied. It became so easy to see. As I poured myself out, not so much as in time of prayer and worship, but as I denied myself even my own money, God had repaid me in form of providence and faith. The growth of which was undeniable, I had physically been supplied and spiritually overfilled. The Holy Spirit seemed to truly be working amongst those of whom would have him, and I was certainly no exception.
John Piper gave a convicting message, that was equally as difficult in following, however the message was simple. "What is the root of your joys? If you trace all of your happiness and ambitions all the way down to it's foundation would it be to the benefit of yourself, or Christ?" Some of my friends nearly fell asleep, as I took notes. However one friend was listening intently, even though I think he fell asleep once... My good friend Andrew declared himself as being born again! This was clearly evident when it came time to worship. No longer did he sing in a soft tone, with his hands in his pockets. He lifted holy hands, and shouted the praises to God. He embraced me at random as I so often did as well, and it was clear to me that he had been baptized by the spirit.
Again I would like to make note, that there is no such thing as a life altering conference. Be it a speaker or a musician, either one could never force you into love. Only the power of the Holy Spirit, given us by our savior Jesus Christ, has the authority to change a heart and renew a mind. We did not get the news of this new found salvation in Andrew until later that evening, yet I had taken note to his spiritual authenticity and am now greatly excited to see the future kingdom work this young man will complete.
After being dismissed, the streams of living water poured out into the streets again in a silent march, and I made my way to my hotel room. I reflected on what God had just given me, and really dwelt on the point of being still in the body. Once again, arriving late to my community group (Some facilitator), I hugged those I approached and felt the enemy attempt to invade my mind. Pastor Todd, led us in a classic Hymn, that I knew not the words, and sent us the order to be seated. He spoke shortly, but then asked if any of us would like to get up and share what we were processing out of this whole experience thus far. I of course jumped to my feet and was one of many who decided they would like the similar experience. I allowed some young ladies to pass in front of me, and within about ten minutes I had the opportunity to share.
I stood up over the 1500 students, stretching shoulder to shoulder, spanned across the expanse of this subterranean exhibit hall, and felt completely at home. I introduced myself by saying "Hello my name is Ryan Jackson", some chuckled at my enthusiasm, but took heed when I interrupted, "Allow me to formally introduce myself. I am a sinner. I am a recovering alcoholic, drug addict, and sex addict." Figuring that being a good way to humble myself, I then spoke animatedly upon the subject of being still. I made it a point to exemplify them as the body of Christ, and that alone we are not capable of much, but by remaining in the body we are able to bear much fruit. Using the 750,000 dollar mark we had just made as an example. I summarized with what my father constantly informs me that, we are all "Human beings, and not human doings". At this I ended with the visual of 22,000 students walking through the streets of Atlanta only accompanied by the sound of our footsteps. That if one person were to ask just one question, "What's going on with all of these kids?", 22,000 at once would answer one word... "Jesus". I got a pretty good applause and a pat on the back by my family group, but even more of an affirmation from God, as I felt exactly where I needed to be, and that was in a leadership role, as the shepherd of God's flock.
Revelation number five:
John 21:16 -"Again Jesus said, "Simon son of John, do you truly love me?" He answered, "Yes, Lord, you know that I love you." Jesus said, "Take care of my sheep.""
Was it necessary for God to affirm me in my crossed ambitions on more than one occasion? Am I not just a feeble minded, epithetic man of flesh? Christ purposed me before I was aware. It was at this moment I became aware, and just as Peter needed to be affirmed three times to be restored, so did I.
Day four:
Up by seven, fed by eight, loved by nine. Our final family group meeting was in session, and for me it was rather bittersweet. It was an hour and fifteen minutes I wanted never to end. Truly these people have become the embodiment of Christ to me. The manifest love and mercy of the creator Himself. Seemingly the bride itself, a church that has sprouted amongst the masses to congregate each morning and evening to give praise to God. The words of Acts 44 are reminiscent of these young faces, " All the believers were together and had everything in common."
We shared with tears in our eyes, the inherent value that Passion had left us. We were to take note that the enemy would be active in trying to distract us from what we had been revealed. Pastor Todd instructed we pray over each other, and after gathering humble requests such as refuge, vulnerability, boldness, focus, determination, and obedience, I was blessed the opportunity to pray over this wonderful group of students.
From my bondage being broken, to my future being brightened, and my heart being opened, this family group of college aged students taught me more in four days than a lifetime of prior sermons. They were the living example of God incarnate. They themselves of course not God, but of God, for God, by God. It was by this group of individuals did I receive the satisfaction of the atonement. The forgiveness of the Lord comforted me by them. The grace of the Lord was presented by them. And the boldness of the Lord was exemplified in them. They were truly disciples of the Lord Jesus Christ. Not just Christians, but people of The Way, and it is an honor to serve them be as blessings unto me.
After taking some group photos, and enjoying the last bit of our time together, we packed up and headed to our final session. As I walked from hotel to arena, I couldn't discern whether I was upset in departure of my new found family or if I was excited to see them bear fruit. I do believe God instilled in me a sense of reverence to be applied to my emotion as my mind wavered from that of being in awe, and that of being in mourning. Truly I will remember their names in heaven.
The last session was led by Chris Tomlin, and Louie Giglio. The worship had become so fiery in days past I had lost all my voice. I also couldn't keep from dancing with and hugging all those around me, stranger or not, and Andrew was catching on. I was overflowing with the spirit, in love with the bride of Christ. I knelt to pray, was lifted to dance, was moved to sing, and praise with all of my heart. The holy spirit had entered me in such a profound way that I acknowledged that I stay in Him. I could now see Christ, feel his love, and act according to His purpose. The word came alive, and praise was lifted high by every created thing. I readied my heart to hear out what Louie had to say.
He stood on stage as we beckoned for more, and what we were given was a short video on passion, and a profound example of the fruit born by the body of Christ. We had raised over 1,007,000 dollars in the last four days! Our spirits rejoiced as the angels praised God in heaven. Our cries of Holy, Holy, Holy did not go unheard that day as we proclaimed the name of Jesus Christ. As we cooled off, Louie decided to speak for himself today. A message on guarding your heart from the world. He emphasized boldly that we carry the name of Christ. For this is not only the great commission, but should be our joy as Christians! To proclaim the gospel and the mercies of Christ should be paramount!
After the brief, but convicting sermon, we wrapped up worship again with Chris Tomlin. This time a voice rang out from behind me over the rest of all the crowd. A college aged young lady who sang like an angel at the top of her lungs. I quickly hopped over the back of my chair, embraced her, lifted holy hands and shouted what I could. Where her voice bellowed as an angel's song, mine cracked in and out of what was more of a solemn growl. Together we pronounced a sobering choir, singing praise to the risen Lord. Before long I was utilizing every muscle in my body to shriek what I could. So we danced, and proclaimed glory and I hugged as many as Christ saw pleasing. The time came before long that I received a tap on my shoulder signifying the departure of my church group... It was time to leave.
I sang my way out of the arena "Alleluia", and down the corridors. I continued to hug and sing, and bless the door holders for their humble service. My church family had decided to stop for food in the CNN Center one last time before we left, and as I waited in line at the Chik-Fil-A, I turned and saw one last homeless man. He asked me if they were serving the free salads today. I asked him his name... To which I have no recollection, however I wish to call him "Brad". "Brad, are you hungry?" I asked, he replied "Yes sir, I am very hungry." I agreed to champion him some food, and as I humbled myself before him, he replied "God bless you". This set me off.
He wished to have one sandwich, so I ordered him four. We grabbed his food and I asked that we pray. So I held him in my arms, and began to pray softly and passionately that this man lead in the realm that he had been placed. That the God of all glory would glorify himself in making this man a spectacle of spiritual resonance in the name of Jesus. My prayer grew louder as the spirit urged me to continue and prayer become a mini sermon as I escalated my tone to preach the good news to the multitudes surrounding. As I was bent over this homeless man, I carried the name of Jesus at the top of my lungs, proclaiming in public this man was once hungry but is now fed in Christ! I pulled back and spoke words of encouragement to "Brad", his eyes no longer the eyes of a beggar, but the eyes of a purposed man. I embraced him one last time and ran off.
Our college ministry regrouped and made our way to the parking garage where a street evangelist with a sign reminiscent of fire and brimstone, caught our affection. We encouraged his efforts, shouted through some street cones, and made way to our minivan destined for Jacksonville. We laughed and reflected for some time. Each one of us had profound stories, but it was almost immediately that the demons of our judgmental flesh leapt forth, being dealt with accordingly.
It wasn't until some time past, probably an hour into the ride, did the weight of the experience crush all of who I was. I thought I knew love, I was wrong. I thought I knew friendship, I was wrong. I thought I knew God, I was wrong. I thought I knew myself, I was wrong... And upon the culmination of all of these revelations the faces of those in my family group displayed themselves in my subconscious. I began to weep, hiding my face, not to be seen by my peers. I attempted to control my tears, but they flowed as Chris Tomlin played effervescently in the background. I opened my bible to Philippians where we had been studying, and cried only harder as an inadvertently highlighted passage, bled through one side of the page into the other highlighting "For God is my witness, How I long for you all with the affection of Christ Jesus." Philippians 1:8. I picked my head up from out of my hands, and turned to Kenny and choked out what I had just seen in scripture, and stated that I felt like Paul writing to his friends from prison. Missing and loving them all with a supernatural love that is only emanated by complete unity between one's self and the Holy Spirit. I cried for nearly fifteen minutes, wondering if I would ever stop... And I did stop... When Andrew stunk up the entire vehicle in his sleep...
So the day went on and so did the road. We laughed and joked, and loved each other as Christ loves us. As the sun set, I drew up an image on my laptop so that we could broadcast the love of Christ to passing motorists noting "JESUS Loves You And Desires A Relationship With You". We pulled next to cars and proclaimed his glory where we thought we could do no such thing. To state troopers, and to raging atheists I'm sure as well.
Passion had branded me with a zeal for the name of Christ. God had clarified many misconceptions of what was in me that was his. What he made now fully belonged to him. The urge to carry the name has become an insatiable desire, from the local homeless shelter, to the luke warm church. The boldness that comes with the spirit is now in full engagement, and I owe it to the many faces of volunteers, speakers, songwriters, by-passers, onlookers, beggars, friends, and loved ones. Passion 2011 was not a life altering event. It only redefined the person that Christ saved by the invitation of the spirit by those willing to be obedient. My eyes no longer see as man's, my heart no longer beats of the world, and my spirit is no longer that of my own. Forever I will praise and sing songs with the angels, but as for this time in dream. " To live is Christ... To die is gain". -Philippians 1:21
"For God is my witness, How I long for you all with the affection of Christ Jesus." Philippians 1:8
First and foremost, there is no reality to a life changing concert. Nor is there such a possibility that a speaker could impact your life on such a level that you would sacrifice self, and serve as a slave. Only the power of Jesus Christ, through the invasion of the Holy Spirit, may one hold on to an experience so profoundly. Glory to God in the highest heaven, forever and ever, Amen.
Day one:
Kenny Dove... "Wake up it's 6:45"
Late to the church in our departure, we rushed to compose our appearances, packed our minivan and hastily made way to God's house. Upon arrival, a gathering of eager students welcomed us sarcastically. Being blamed for the tardiness I took great joy in knowing, I had no such part, but was ready to embark on this journey. We prayed and set sail to the open road.
My good friends Kenny Dove, and Andrew Zaiter, accompanied this shuttle bound for Atlanta, with Kenny, the pilot, and Andrew the comic relief. We joked about recreating the exodus and wired a flatulence application to our car stereo via an iPhone, and continued to blow people away. The trip went rather smooth and fast forwarding to approximately 7 hours later we were entering a rainy Atlanta.
I personally had no expectations to this trip. I was ready to be open, honest, and willing, but I was little prepared for what God had in store for me. I was certainly excited to see the welcomes we were receiving in the forms of high fives and cheers. The generous umbrella holders who aided in our crossing of thoroughfare emanated love and service, and I was beginning to assume this was not going to be of the norm.
We registered, received our wristbands, and tried to make sense of the color coding and brochures. Us first timers, were rather surprised to see these colored wristbands and what was called "Community Groups". Some of my church members seemed in reproach that we would not be in the same groups... I on the other hand was enthralled.
We made our way to the "Go Center" (Store, and donation depot), picked up some books, and various other medias, and took in the sights and sounds of the bustling economy of students surrounding. At once we received a call from our youth pastor calling us back to our cars and to check into our hotel rooms. We then, picked up and made our way from parking garage to hotel lobby, where the floors were littered with sleeping students. All sporting the latest Passion namesakes.
We ourselves, waited feverishly upon the cold polished floor as our rooms were not that of being ready. We joked, fellowshipped, watched videos on our phones, and even realized that there was caviar in the bathroom equipment. This would be the longest time spent with my church family, in one place, I would experience the duration of the trip.
Fast forward again, past the elevators, the crowded hotel room, the bathroom incident, and the hour long wait in the Arby's line we made our way to the Phillips Arena, for our first taste of Passion 2011. Chris Tomlin, Louie Giglio, Christy Nockels, and other appointed persons led us 22,000 students into a frenzy of worship. I separated a bit from my church group here and made friends with those around me. The first being an Asian man named "Elton". Elton and I became quick friends. The love of Christ, being filled in him and I, quickly overflowed into a friendship. And as we were urged to form prayer triangles, I formed a prayer point, and only had one other partner, a man to my right, named "Kevin". I as usual unknowingly consumed most of the time in prayer, and left little time for Kevin, which seemed fitting as he wasn't the most keen on public prayer... We sang our hearts in joy and lifted holy hands and we were then dispersed into our "Community Groups". Surprisingly BOTH left and right of me, Elton and Kevin, were amongst the very members of the STRIPED PURPLE community group. We then descended the arena and met in the basement of the hotel I was staying in for some authentic Christian fellowship.
Elton and I lost Kevin, but figured we'd see him later (not being the case amongst the 1500 students in our small group), and we sat down in front of the stage awaiting the start of the uncertainty that was "Community Group". Our community group leader, A pastor named "Todd" from a church entitled Rock Harbor, in the Orange County vicinity of California, led us in these times of fellowship. He instructed us all to stand, and to look at the floor, and walk. Attempting to shield myself from a broken nose, Elton and I walked precariously around the room, until we were told to find like colored shoes and form groups of 8 or 9. Being that I was wearing black shoes, and Elton white... We separated, I would not see him again these four days...
As I gazed up from the floor, I set eyes on some of the most tender faces I have ever encountered. There was Amy, Allison, Trevor, Elizabeth, Christin, Macy, Chris, and one guy wearing white shoes we dragged in, Michael. We shook hands, sat down, and I for one, instantly fell in love... We were instructed to go around and introduce ourselves. Amongst our small "Family Group", we held people from Mexico?, Chicago (Australia), Alabama, Tennessee, Georgia, and of course, Florida. Yet we were all one in the same, being brothers and sisters in Christ.
We socialized more, got macro testimonies from one another, and got to know a little about our expectations from the conference. Then we were asked to elect group leaders or "facilitators". My heart of course, jumped at this... However, in my wanting to attain humility out of the conference I kept my mouth shut, and pointed at Ms. Christin, for she herself was very charismatic and appeared worthy of the role. As some of our fingers aimed at her, she said one of the coolest things I've ever heard... "I don't mind being the leader, but are there any guys that want to lead? The bible speaks of the man being the spiritual leader soooo..." And as humbly as I could I jumped at the opportunity handed to me by God, through his humble servant, backed by the scripture. This was one of MANY revelations I would have as to my reaffirmation of my future.
We prayed for each other, dismissed groups, and made our way back over to the Phillips arena for a concert led by none other than the David Crowder Band. They performed many a Christmas tune, and climaxed with "How He Loves". The scale of worship in the room, with the reminiscent faces of my small group began to awaken my heart to a level I had never ascended. The fact that I have made many friends in these past four hours and that there would be many more to come, led to an assertion that I could go anywhere in this body and love.
Back at the hotel room, I journaled at the criticism of my friends, that this was easily the coolest thing I have ever done, and I had yet to begin to experience the awesome charity and serenity of the peace and providence of our Lord Jesus Christ.
Day Two:
Arising before all others in my group, I hurried to compose myself in an orderly fashion, to meet the frostbitten dawn of Atlanta. Truly I was excited beyond words to once again meet with my "Family Group", and this became the routine for the next three days; Hotel by one, bed by two, arise by seven, eat by eight, and love by nine.
As group leader, I constantly remained late in the arrival and formation of my extended family, often arriving last and this normally was the case. I certainly was glad we didn't go with the initial thrilling idea of playing "Musical Groups" and utilizing our contact information to find one another. Though a great idea to form unity, I probably would have lost my mind in haste. Again we shared, loved, and prayed for one another and upon being given the time to fellowship we were then dismissed to enjoy our main session.
This was a blur to me, I cannot even remember who spoke at the second session, but what I do remember is being separated from my church group, and feeling quite alright with that. Even running into Trevor at random, who was seated behind me amongst 22,000 other students. I was taking note of something called, "The body of Christ".
After session, and a provided boxed lunch (God bless those volunteers), Andrew and I met up again and misunderstood, break and breakout session on our schedule and just went running around the streets of downtown Atlanta. We had a wonderful time, playing in fountains, listening to "Chariots of Fire", being soaked in freezing weather, and meeting with our first homeless man, Terry Hartman. This began a festival of giving, witnessing, and selflessness. I say this not to boast but to indicate the providence of God.
Fast forward now past the ironing, and friends wondering where I have been this whole time... Let us arrive in the Georgia World Conference Center, where friendships would spring forth, and revelations be given. During worship, Andrew and I went up front to the stage for some dancing. We danced, and as Andrew proclaimed he was about to throw up, he returned to his seat. I however, continued praising God with every breath I could take in, and overflowing with love again reached to my left and hugged a young man equally excited to be praising the LORD. I introduced myself, and he, himself as Luke... We then separated and went back to our seats.
After bearing witness to an enthusiastic Francis Chan. We were asked to depart our arenas and conference centers in a silent march. Not speaking a word, but to reflect and revere all that we were being given by God. It was in this culmination of sight and sound (or lack thereof), that I instantly overflowed with the spirit. I spilled love on all of those around me, I grabbed my church family and embraced each one of them, silently and with tears, my heart was being forever altered. Love was being "Redefined", and as I walked silently amongst the masses, God revealed...
Revelation number one:
"Anywhere I go, I am never alone. Everywhere I go, there is the body of Christ. If Christ is who he is, which HE IS, and if Christ is love, and we are receivers and transmitters of Christ's love, I will never again go unloved. Even if I am a single Christian in a Muslim nation, I carry the seed that sprouts forth love. I hold within me, a renewable resource of love and acceptance. Thus I have nothing to fear, in loneliness or rejection forever on."
We silently made way back to community groups, I snuck a blanket from my bed through the hotel, so that my family would have something other than hard floor to sit on. Of course this made me late, however they loved the idea, and we drew closer in proximity and charity. Amongst 1500 people we were the only ones sitting rather comfortably. We reflected on what God had been giving us and at the end of the group, Pastor Todd, sent out the call for anyone to stand if they were struggling with baggage, hindering them in their faith. I stood, even though I didn't truly know what I was being weighed down by. As I stood, he then called those sitting to stand and lay their hands on those in need of prayer. Christin laid her hand on my shoulder and prayed. As she prayed that I be set free from whatever was burdening me, I was once again overflowing with love and spirit, and as she said amen we embraced, and I WAS FREE!
A bomb had gone off within my mind, and I was left in a trance. Groups were dismissed and yet all I could do was get on my knees on my blanket and praise God. I sat back up and as all began to settle I finally experienced the Serenity I constantly pray that God would grant me! I attempted to pick up and leave to go see the concert I was looking forward to, and seeing Christin journaling against the wall, I again fell down resigning "I can't go...". I got on my knees and prayed again. Opening my eyes, I laid on my back and looked upon the ceiling at all that it was composed of. It was at this instant God revealed...
Revelation number two:
By merely being a part of creation, the poly vinyl duct work was shouting praise to God. The paint was living and breathing and singing praise to God, as was the insulation, and the fluorescent lights casting themselves down, declaring the glory of God. I then lowered my eyes to the floor, where there were people. People praying, worshiping, and overflowing with love onto one another in prayer and consolation, and I realized just how different we as humans were. The paint and light fixtures praise God because that's all they can do, but we as humans have been given this supernatural ability to love, "True Love", "CHRIST LOVE", and the ability to affect all with it. By the emptying of self, and the being filled with the spirit, this leads to an overflow of Christ love. This Redefined, again my perception of love. Everything I thought I knew was wrong. Love was selfish, prayer was misguided, worship was done in a sense of unworthiness, and my means of quiet time in meditation was backwards. No longer shall I close my eyes in silence and focus, intent on canceling all out in attempts to hear God, but forever now shall I take all in. Tuning into the constant praise of all that is created, and truly experiencing and seeing firsthand how God created US in HIS image.
Before departing, I stayed and prayed with a few young ladies, then headed toward the escalator hotel bound. As I just about made my way up a young lady caught the attention of the spirit flowing inside of me. I said hello and I stepped back from the flowing staircase and easily made conversation with an accented young lady named Ewa. She was a sweetheart, she expressed that she enjoyed my words, and we spoke of from where we hailed. She was from Kentucky, but more notably by her accent from Poland. She asked what brought me to Jacksonville, and I gave her my testimony as her friend Kendra approached and introduced herself. We stood and talked for quite some time until we were escorted out of the exhibit hall. After a lengthy prayer we parted, and I was left with a sense of belonging, love and peace. God was alive in all of his people, and the Holy Spirit was pairing and grouping those he deemed worthy of interaction. It was a beautiful experience to encounter such kind spirits.
So I disembarked and returned through the still bustling CNN center, and out the doors toward my hotel. Upon exiting I was greeted at once by a bundled man, smoking a cigarette appearing rather cold on that frigid night. He asked for some change and I proceeded to give him my change, of course letting him know that I am not a nice person, and that this change is not from me but from Christ Jesus. I asked him if I could pray for him, so I took him in my arms and we prayed a long encouraging prayer. Moved by the prayer I was convicted for the fact that I held a twenty dollar bill in my pocket. Now I had given five to Terry in the park, but I didn't feel comfortable giving a homeless man all of my remaining food money. Yet as I confessed to him that I had never gone without need in my life, I handed him the twenty dollars so that he could purchase himself a stay at a local shelter.
I used this opportunity of course, to witness. As I handed him my last bit of money, I reinforced the fact that I could do so because God would provide for me, just as God would provide for him. I also exclaimed that this money is a gift and that the fear of him going out and buying something other than what it was purposed does run in my mind. However, I then stated, that conviction is a funny thing, and that I don't know how the money will be used but I won't have to deal with the conviction if it not be used accordingly. I related with him as an addict, and then drew similarity between the gift I just gave and the gift of salvation God gave us through Christ Jesus. I reiterated that just as I gave him money, he has the ability to accept or reject it according to it's purpose, and that he also shares the same ability in accepting or rejecting Christ as his personal savior and Lord.
We made our way toward the shelter, watched a student try to jump over a barrier and hang himself up on it, and continued to speak entirely of Jesus. Clearly this man was not saved and I relayed the message we had been given that Jesus didn't come to be served but to serve. He came to descend down the ladder of the social system all the way to a criminal's death, only to be exalted to the highest of high, so that we may be slaves in him. I clarified the word slave, because if we were merely workers we would then be expecting a wage, but in our slavery we would one day be set free. I explained the story of Jesus washing the feet of the servant and clarified how demeaning that would be by Jewish customs, and that with the money I gave him, that was my act of washing his feet... Because I forgot my sponge... We laughed, and prayed again, embraced and departed. I felt good, but then realized my copy of God's living and breathing word, had lived and breathed itself away from me. This put a damper on my feelings until I realized how awesome a welcome package it was to Christianity. It held; A brand new apologetics study bible, a copy of C.S. Lewis' "Screwtape Letters", some tracts, Christmas cards to my friends, and some business cards to my church. What a blessing it was to lose as gain.
Day Three:
Up by seven, fed by eight, in love by nine... Family group was refreshing, however certain people were missing. Macy had left the group after the first meeting. Amy had taken time to digest what she had been fed the night before and missed one session, and this morning Chris slept in due to his car being towed and a late night excursion to retrieve it. All of these situations poised the enemy a perfect platform to distract us from what we were being given, even Trevor misplaced his wallet and had it emptied of all but his license, yet it is the joy of my heart to say that those schemes never gave the enemy a stronghold. We said our prayers, embraced one another lovingly, and we set out for the afternoon's main session in the Phillips Arena again. Upon exiting I ran into a familiar face. Luke! It was cool to know that he was part of our Striped Purple community group, that out of 22,000 people he was within the 1500 in the same room. We separated and I met back up with my church group to watch Andy Stanley deliver a great message.
I wont go into the messages in detail, because it wasn't the messages that had their impact on me. I could relate to the messages by my being saved, and my being in recovery, but what appealed to me over every single pretty face, over all the noise, and pronounced messages, was the body of Christ. The 22,000 students in one place raising already over 500,000 dollars in the name of Jesus, and bearing fruit everywhere. To which God revealed to me...
Revelation :number three:
The body of Christ.
".... Holy Father, keep them through your name which you have given me, that they may be one, even as we are. .... Not for these only do I pray, but for those also who believe in me through their word, that they may all be one; even as you, Father, are in me, and I in you, that they also may be one in us; that the world may believe that you sent me. The glory which you have given me, I have given to them; that they may be one, even as we are one; I in them, and you in me, that they may be perfected into one; that the world may know that you sent me, and loved them, even as you loved me." (John 17:11, 20-23)
" For just as the body is one and has many members, and all the members of the body, though many, are one body, so it is with Christ. For in one Spirit we were all baptized into one body—Jews or Greeks, slaves or free—and all were made to drink of one Spirit. For the body does not consist of one member but of many. If the foot should say, “Because I am not a hand, I do not belong to the body,” that would not make it any less a part of the body. And if the ear should say, “Because I am not an eye, I do not belong to the body,” that would not make it any less a part of the body. If the whole body were an eye, where would be the sense of hearing? If the whole body were an ear, where would be the sense of smell? But as it is, God arranged the members in the body, each one of them, as he chose. If all were a single member, where would the body be? As it is, there are many parts, yet one body. The eye cannot say to the hand, “I have no need of you,” nor again the head to the feet, “I have no need of you.” On the contrary, the parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable, and on those parts of the body that we think less honorable we bestow the greater honor, and our unpresentable parts are treated with greater modesty, which our more presentable parts do not require. But God has so composed the body, giving greater honor to the part that lacked it, that there may be no division in the body, but that the members may have the same care for one another. If one member suffers, all suffer together; if one member is honored, all rejoice together." (1st Cor. 12:12-27)
It was ever so clear that with all that we were being fed, we would want to all become missionaries. While there was nothing wrong with that, it is that same eagerness and ambition that the enemy would exploit. We alone can accomplish not much of anything, we could take from these preachings that we must do do do do, however I began to see that as we remained, the solid body of Christ, it was in unity that we bore fruit. Alone we could not have given over half a million and rising, nor walking quietly would we rattle the streets of Atlanta alone, but in a mass of 22,000 students, we acquired profound results. These of course are all results I have seen, we will never know the full image of Christ we reflected on this desperate world, until we get to heaven. Simply put, "We are human beings, NOT human doings". "Be still and know that I am God..." -Psalm 46:10
So as session spilled out into the street, we were given boxed lunches once again (providence). The image was that of armies moving. 22,000 students in the streets receiving rations. As I attempted to find Andrew amongst the masses we inevitably were separated and as I continued searching for his waving bible, I heard a voice again out of the crowd. "Hey man whatsup?"... LUKE!
The odds of us meeting at random now three times within the past 15 hours were monstrous, and acknowledging that it was God leading our steps into one another, we sat down and had lunch. We got to know each other, learned that we are of the same age and both celebrating birthdays four days apart from one another, it was safe to say that we had much in common. Even the time lapse from attendance of our first Passion conferences and our times from being saved were that of striking similarity. As we finished up eating and sharing testimonies we headed to scrap our leftovers and instead of giving the spare bags of chips and cookies we didn't eat away to the homeless shelter, we figured we could personally give it to a homeless person later in attempts to witness. We also decided to stick together because God was getting ready to show us something big.
I traveled with Luke and his church family, and eventually made another friend by the name of BJ. He was Luke's friend, a nice attentive, student in architecture coming from a Korean background. He made music, and knew his scripture well. God tied us all together, and we were all happy to be great friends on the spot. I was blessed enough to meet up with the rest of Luke's Alabama church group, and we sat in on Gabe Lyons breakout session.
After the session we decided to distribute the potato chips and utilize the time for some proper witnessing. We made our way through the bustling Georgia World Conference Center, and out into Atlanta's Centennial park, which always seemed to be abound with the homeless. Indeed, after only a few short steps in did Luke spot a group of homeless gathered. Unfortunately there were six, and as we took note that we couldn't give two out of six hungry people chips, we prepared to press on. Until, 4 of them walked away, I clearly stated "Hey look! God made a way."
So I approached one man and Luke the other. The man I approached was rather cold, and informed me he was on the phone, so I turned my attention to Luke handing his chips to a rugged, winsome man. "You're gonna bring me chips and no water?!" He boldly exclaimed. Luke laughed and we introduced ourselves as being in town at the Passion conference, explaining exactly what it was, as he kindly introduced himself as "Brooks... Cedric, Brooks". This began probably the most influential and inherently valuable session of the entire conference.
We asked him basic questions to probe into the life of a lost soul, and attained mixed signals. He never denied Christ, nor did he ever advocate agnosticism. We attempted to witness and decided to pray with him. As we prayed I couldn't help but notice how hot this man's hands were. They were nearly burning mine, and he was dwelling out in the cold. Anyhow, after prayer he came alive! He knew his scripture well, much more than I, and he knew of the unknown. He spoke of many truths, and he told us one thing as I began to ease off guard. "What you guys are doing is great, but sometimes the best evangelizing you can do, is just to listen." It seemed Luke and BJ took to this immediately, I however was still trying to figure out if this guy really knew Christ, or just scripture. However eventually I realized God was somehow using this man to lead us as the setting sun silhouetted him with glowing aura.
So we sat at his feet and I took notes on the various subjects he spoke. These are the notes I jotted down in the order I took them.
-There is no need to worry with God, there are such things as guardian angels and protectors.
-"This is little stuff compared to stuff 'I' (God) will have them do"
-Don't get caught up by distractions (pointing at buildings and busy thoroughfares)
-God can take ANY situation and turn it around (coming from a homeless man)
-It all starts with the man in the mirror. :)
-In order to have friends, you must first appear friendly.
-"People / lost souls, will gravitate towards the light, sometimes all you need to do is listen"
*It is your spirit that allows you to see that.
-God is a creator not a destroyer, even Lucifer he did not destroy, the devil himself needs permission before he can mess with us.
***Angels don't have a choice once they choose their paths to either serve God or satan.
**Man has the choice
At the last statement Luke's eyes rolled back in his head and he fell on his back realizing "That's how much he favored us". As he sat back up in amazement, I looked up from the feet of this brazen man as God revealed to me.
Revelation number four:
There was a race of angels somewhere out in heaven, and a legion of fallen angels below. If it wasn't enough that God created us in his same image, and gave us the supernatural ability to love he also gave himself so that we may have the ability to turn back from our misdirection. This was the ultimate symbol of love, and it had my head spinning.
Luke then opened his bible to Proverbs one, and began to read right into Proverbs 1:20-21, He then jumped up and ran around the perimeter of the sidewalk by which we were enclosed by all while declaring "Wisdom sings her song in the streets. In the public squares she raises her voice. At the corners of noisy streets she calls out. At the entrances to the city she speaks her words!" He returned to the feet of Cedric and rejoined the conversation brimming with excitement. Surely God had done for him what he himself was doing in all of us.
We continued to speak with Mr. Brooks, as he brought up various examples of demons crouching behind us, and hiding in the bushes, and that by speaking the name of Christ they would cringe and stay at a distance. He also assured us that he wouldn't allow anything to harm us physically as he retained his civilized composure. The odd part about his teachings were that they were all scripturally sound. His demeanor was composed with a dash of urban dialect and he spoke as if he had known. He was incredibly content, humble, and optimistic. Not that of what you would expect from a homeless man dwelling in the cold. Not to mention, he had all his teeth and seemed well oriented as if he did no such drugs, and was extremely sociable and loving. He prayed over us, embraced us, and sent us on our way. Yet never admitting once that he himself believed in Jesus nor was he a Christian.
As we made our way out of the park and back toward the conference, Luke excitingly proclaimed "I think that guy was an angel!". I of course, disagreed, but he then declared Hebrews 13:2 "Be not forgetful to entertain strangers: for thereby some have entertained angels unaware." One more time, a bomb went off in my mind, and it all made sense! He spoke as if he could see demons, he assured us that there were such things as guardian angels, and that he would not allow anything to harm us physically. He spoke of the many mansions and expanses, and spoke of the angels not having the ability to be redeemed. He gave us scripturally sound advice, and pointed out our personal attributes. In me who chose the attributes of a salesmen (Which is a definite attribute in how I approach getting children sponsored). The square in the middle of the city we spoke in was that of the random scripture Luke turned to. You could either be a skeptic, or you could acknowledge the fact that God is alive and well, and coincidences like these random meetings out of 22,000 people three times in less than a full day, leading up to this very point in time, to a homeless man who turned our evangelism around on us, and forced our ears to take heed, all in truth, with the affirmation from scripture does not necessarily happen very often...
We weighed out the things Mr. Brooks had said and held them to the light of the word, and came to the conclusion that this man was an angel, and we were unaware. We both had plans to meet our church groups for dinner, but sat through them in the park with Cedric. We shot some texts to our friends, and I exclaimed passionately to my youth pastor that he HAD to meet these new friends I have made. He unfortunately was across town at "What The Chicken". So we continued to stick together and we picked up some food from the CNN Center's bustling food court. We waited in line, at the incredibly efficient Chik-Fil-A, and forgetting that I had no money, Luke offered to pay for all of our food with the aid of a gift card he received for Christmas. This may seem like no big deal, but Luke had no idea I had given my last twenty dollars to the homeless the night before. This again was another AMAZING example of God's providence. Just as I had spoken to the man the previous night, God would provide for me as long as I would trust him. Humorously enough, our stomachs are usually larger than our faith and inebriate our trust in the Lord. We sat down, blessed our food and began to feed.
As we ate, a young man in a scooter, appearing to have been born with cerebral palsy, wheeled up to us, and caught our eye. I reached out and introduced myself, and he himself as "Edward". Luke looked up and stated that Edward meant "Wealth Protector", as we then made the assimilation from the lesson we had earlier attended on Jacob and Esau, that Edward, was a "Birthright Protector". We also drew that our God given birthright is eternity with him through salvation, and so Edward must then be a "Protector of those salvations". At this he reeled with joy and excitement, even standing up in his chair. As his excitement rose with our conversations of God given ambitions and a little bit of guy talk, we entered prayer. To my astonishment, Edward in prayer spoke as if his palsy had left him. He did not stutter, he did not flinch, he was well focused and his words were fiery and encouraging. He blessed me, Luke and BJ, and affirmed my aspirations to be a pastor. After Amen we continued eating and then parted ways.
It was now time to attend our main, and final evening session. I had earlier asked my youth pastor, Joe, to text me when he was in the vicinity of the arena. As Luke, BJ, and I walked towards the arena, we were rerouted by door holders, and as I was preparing to contact Joe, we merged with a stream of eager students, to whose faces were quite familiar. It was Joe and my church group! Again meeting by random chance amongst the 22,000 students. This was just entirely too cool, as he now had the opportunity to meet Luke and BJ. I attempted to explain how we met an angel, but explanation couldn't ever bring full light to the experience as it was personally. We made our way through security, talked some more, and as we entered the arena, Luke, BJ, and I separated This would be the last I would see them over the course of the conference.
As we found seats in and amongst the masses, I turned to Joe, and completely filled with the spirit, preached a sermon in full length. Over toned by the many revelations God had given me, I preached on "Redefinition". How love was no longer what I perceived it to be. How the body is love, and the body comforts all. How everything I thought I knew was backwards, from speaking to listening, from focusing all out, to taking all in. From doing, doing, doing, to being still in the body and bearing fruit.
Worship was undeniably heartfelt, every cell in my body praised Jesus. I began to shout lyrics for I had preached and sung my voice to shreds. I lifted holy hands and embraced my friends in song. Love had completely spilled all over around me. It was the most incredible, indescribable, yet fully attainable feeling. To not be ablaze with this passion of the Lord, was surely to be derived from one's lack of willingness to be emptied. It became so easy to see. As I poured myself out, not so much as in time of prayer and worship, but as I denied myself even my own money, God had repaid me in form of providence and faith. The growth of which was undeniable, I had physically been supplied and spiritually overfilled. The Holy Spirit seemed to truly be working amongst those of whom would have him, and I was certainly no exception.
John Piper gave a convicting message, that was equally as difficult in following, however the message was simple. "What is the root of your joys? If you trace all of your happiness and ambitions all the way down to it's foundation would it be to the benefit of yourself, or Christ?" Some of my friends nearly fell asleep, as I took notes. However one friend was listening intently, even though I think he fell asleep once... My good friend Andrew declared himself as being born again! This was clearly evident when it came time to worship. No longer did he sing in a soft tone, with his hands in his pockets. He lifted holy hands, and shouted the praises to God. He embraced me at random as I so often did as well, and it was clear to me that he had been baptized by the spirit.
Again I would like to make note, that there is no such thing as a life altering conference. Be it a speaker or a musician, either one could never force you into love. Only the power of the Holy Spirit, given us by our savior Jesus Christ, has the authority to change a heart and renew a mind. We did not get the news of this new found salvation in Andrew until later that evening, yet I had taken note to his spiritual authenticity and am now greatly excited to see the future kingdom work this young man will complete.
After being dismissed, the streams of living water poured out into the streets again in a silent march, and I made my way to my hotel room. I reflected on what God had just given me, and really dwelt on the point of being still in the body. Once again, arriving late to my community group (Some facilitator), I hugged those I approached and felt the enemy attempt to invade my mind. Pastor Todd, led us in a classic Hymn, that I knew not the words, and sent us the order to be seated. He spoke shortly, but then asked if any of us would like to get up and share what we were processing out of this whole experience thus far. I of course jumped to my feet and was one of many who decided they would like the similar experience. I allowed some young ladies to pass in front of me, and within about ten minutes I had the opportunity to share.
I stood up over the 1500 students, stretching shoulder to shoulder, spanned across the expanse of this subterranean exhibit hall, and felt completely at home. I introduced myself by saying "Hello my name is Ryan Jackson", some chuckled at my enthusiasm, but took heed when I interrupted, "Allow me to formally introduce myself. I am a sinner. I am a recovering alcoholic, drug addict, and sex addict." Figuring that being a good way to humble myself, I then spoke animatedly upon the subject of being still. I made it a point to exemplify them as the body of Christ, and that alone we are not capable of much, but by remaining in the body we are able to bear much fruit. Using the 750,000 dollar mark we had just made as an example. I summarized with what my father constantly informs me that, we are all "Human beings, and not human doings". At this I ended with the visual of 22,000 students walking through the streets of Atlanta only accompanied by the sound of our footsteps. That if one person were to ask just one question, "What's going on with all of these kids?", 22,000 at once would answer one word... "Jesus". I got a pretty good applause and a pat on the back by my family group, but even more of an affirmation from God, as I felt exactly where I needed to be, and that was in a leadership role, as the shepherd of God's flock.
Revelation number five:
John 21:16 -"Again Jesus said, "Simon son of John, do you truly love me?" He answered, "Yes, Lord, you know that I love you." Jesus said, "Take care of my sheep.""
Was it necessary for God to affirm me in my crossed ambitions on more than one occasion? Am I not just a feeble minded, epithetic man of flesh? Christ purposed me before I was aware. It was at this moment I became aware, and just as Peter needed to be affirmed three times to be restored, so did I.
Day four:
Up by seven, fed by eight, loved by nine. Our final family group meeting was in session, and for me it was rather bittersweet. It was an hour and fifteen minutes I wanted never to end. Truly these people have become the embodiment of Christ to me. The manifest love and mercy of the creator Himself. Seemingly the bride itself, a church that has sprouted amongst the masses to congregate each morning and evening to give praise to God. The words of Acts 44 are reminiscent of these young faces, " All the believers were together and had everything in common."
We shared with tears in our eyes, the inherent value that Passion had left us. We were to take note that the enemy would be active in trying to distract us from what we had been revealed. Pastor Todd instructed we pray over each other, and after gathering humble requests such as refuge, vulnerability, boldness, focus, determination, and obedience, I was blessed the opportunity to pray over this wonderful group of students.
From my bondage being broken, to my future being brightened, and my heart being opened, this family group of college aged students taught me more in four days than a lifetime of prior sermons. They were the living example of God incarnate. They themselves of course not God, but of God, for God, by God. It was by this group of individuals did I receive the satisfaction of the atonement. The forgiveness of the Lord comforted me by them. The grace of the Lord was presented by them. And the boldness of the Lord was exemplified in them. They were truly disciples of the Lord Jesus Christ. Not just Christians, but people of The Way, and it is an honor to serve them be as blessings unto me.
After taking some group photos, and enjoying the last bit of our time together, we packed up and headed to our final session. As I walked from hotel to arena, I couldn't discern whether I was upset in departure of my new found family or if I was excited to see them bear fruit. I do believe God instilled in me a sense of reverence to be applied to my emotion as my mind wavered from that of being in awe, and that of being in mourning. Truly I will remember their names in heaven.
The last session was led by Chris Tomlin, and Louie Giglio. The worship had become so fiery in days past I had lost all my voice. I also couldn't keep from dancing with and hugging all those around me, stranger or not, and Andrew was catching on. I was overflowing with the spirit, in love with the bride of Christ. I knelt to pray, was lifted to dance, was moved to sing, and praise with all of my heart. The holy spirit had entered me in such a profound way that I acknowledged that I stay in Him. I could now see Christ, feel his love, and act according to His purpose. The word came alive, and praise was lifted high by every created thing. I readied my heart to hear out what Louie had to say.
He stood on stage as we beckoned for more, and what we were given was a short video on passion, and a profound example of the fruit born by the body of Christ. We had raised over 1,007,000 dollars in the last four days! Our spirits rejoiced as the angels praised God in heaven. Our cries of Holy, Holy, Holy did not go unheard that day as we proclaimed the name of Jesus Christ. As we cooled off, Louie decided to speak for himself today. A message on guarding your heart from the world. He emphasized boldly that we carry the name of Christ. For this is not only the great commission, but should be our joy as Christians! To proclaim the gospel and the mercies of Christ should be paramount!
After the brief, but convicting sermon, we wrapped up worship again with Chris Tomlin. This time a voice rang out from behind me over the rest of all the crowd. A college aged young lady who sang like an angel at the top of her lungs. I quickly hopped over the back of my chair, embraced her, lifted holy hands and shouted what I could. Where her voice bellowed as an angel's song, mine cracked in and out of what was more of a solemn growl. Together we pronounced a sobering choir, singing praise to the risen Lord. Before long I was utilizing every muscle in my body to shriek what I could. So we danced, and proclaimed glory and I hugged as many as Christ saw pleasing. The time came before long that I received a tap on my shoulder signifying the departure of my church group... It was time to leave.
I sang my way out of the arena "Alleluia", and down the corridors. I continued to hug and sing, and bless the door holders for their humble service. My church family had decided to stop for food in the CNN Center one last time before we left, and as I waited in line at the Chik-Fil-A, I turned and saw one last homeless man. He asked me if they were serving the free salads today. I asked him his name... To which I have no recollection, however I wish to call him "Brad". "Brad, are you hungry?" I asked, he replied "Yes sir, I am very hungry." I agreed to champion him some food, and as I humbled myself before him, he replied "God bless you". This set me off.
He wished to have one sandwich, so I ordered him four. We grabbed his food and I asked that we pray. So I held him in my arms, and began to pray softly and passionately that this man lead in the realm that he had been placed. That the God of all glory would glorify himself in making this man a spectacle of spiritual resonance in the name of Jesus. My prayer grew louder as the spirit urged me to continue and prayer become a mini sermon as I escalated my tone to preach the good news to the multitudes surrounding. As I was bent over this homeless man, I carried the name of Jesus at the top of my lungs, proclaiming in public this man was once hungry but is now fed in Christ! I pulled back and spoke words of encouragement to "Brad", his eyes no longer the eyes of a beggar, but the eyes of a purposed man. I embraced him one last time and ran off.
Our college ministry regrouped and made our way to the parking garage where a street evangelist with a sign reminiscent of fire and brimstone, caught our affection. We encouraged his efforts, shouted through some street cones, and made way to our minivan destined for Jacksonville. We laughed and reflected for some time. Each one of us had profound stories, but it was almost immediately that the demons of our judgmental flesh leapt forth, being dealt with accordingly.
It wasn't until some time past, probably an hour into the ride, did the weight of the experience crush all of who I was. I thought I knew love, I was wrong. I thought I knew friendship, I was wrong. I thought I knew God, I was wrong. I thought I knew myself, I was wrong... And upon the culmination of all of these revelations the faces of those in my family group displayed themselves in my subconscious. I began to weep, hiding my face, not to be seen by my peers. I attempted to control my tears, but they flowed as Chris Tomlin played effervescently in the background. I opened my bible to Philippians where we had been studying, and cried only harder as an inadvertently highlighted passage, bled through one side of the page into the other highlighting "For God is my witness, How I long for you all with the affection of Christ Jesus." Philippians 1:8. I picked my head up from out of my hands, and turned to Kenny and choked out what I had just seen in scripture, and stated that I felt like Paul writing to his friends from prison. Missing and loving them all with a supernatural love that is only emanated by complete unity between one's self and the Holy Spirit. I cried for nearly fifteen minutes, wondering if I would ever stop... And I did stop... When Andrew stunk up the entire vehicle in his sleep...
So the day went on and so did the road. We laughed and joked, and loved each other as Christ loves us. As the sun set, I drew up an image on my laptop so that we could broadcast the love of Christ to passing motorists noting "JESUS Loves You And Desires A Relationship With You". We pulled next to cars and proclaimed his glory where we thought we could do no such thing. To state troopers, and to raging atheists I'm sure as well.
Passion had branded me with a zeal for the name of Christ. God had clarified many misconceptions of what was in me that was his. What he made now fully belonged to him. The urge to carry the name has become an insatiable desire, from the local homeless shelter, to the luke warm church. The boldness that comes with the spirit is now in full engagement, and I owe it to the many faces of volunteers, speakers, songwriters, by-passers, onlookers, beggars, friends, and loved ones. Passion 2011 was not a life altering event. It only redefined the person that Christ saved by the invitation of the spirit by those willing to be obedient. My eyes no longer see as man's, my heart no longer beats of the world, and my spirit is no longer that of my own. Forever I will praise and sing songs with the angels, but as for this time in dream. " To live is Christ... To die is gain". -Philippians 1:21
"For God is my witness, How I long for you all with the affection of Christ Jesus." Philippians 1:8
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