When Surrender Becomes Real

You know how everyone "knows" about living the Christian life, even before they have lived it fully?  Surely, you must know what I mean.  Sanctification, for example, is a term I am aware of.  It is the progressive transformation of a believer into the humble and righteous image of Christ.  Yeah sure, Doctrines 101, I got that...

But God has such a way of knocking me off my high horse.  After a quick quiet time this morning He really drove home that surrender is progressive in the Christian life.  The Christian doesn't just surrender himself once at salvation and then live happily ever after...  I WISH!  It's a bit more complex than that, because God isn't after my temporal state of mind on a given day.  He's after my entire life, my whole heart.

For those of you who don't know me, don't know that I grew up with many vices.  As early as I can really remember I was hooked on porn.  It shaped me.  It was my coping mechanism.  Anytime I was tired, sad, angry, or bored, porn offered a few minutes of thrill.  As the years went on I chased the highs from whatever drugs I could get my hands on at the time (except the ones I was afraid of...)  After becoming completely wrapped up in volatile relationships and affairs, alcohol became the only rest for my weary mind.

Yeah, I'm that guy with all the problems...  Actually, I'm not that different from any of the other "normal" kids in the public school system.  In fact, I'm probably just like yours.  

But I had a saving encounter with Christ.  I was ambushed by God in such a way that changed my whole life.  As I surrendered to Christ by praying, "God, I've tried to do things my way, let's do things Your way," I felt many of those chains drop.  Within 9 days from my encounter with Christ, I gave up alcohol (something I couldn't even sleep without).  At the same time I began seeing women as something sacred, and not something to be used.  I stopped throwing all my efforts into chasing girls and getting laid.  Life had such a  new brightness to it, but the darkness still crouched in wait.

Because over time, the one vice I had proved to be more than I could handle.  With over three years sobriety from alcohol, pornography is still a struggle in my life.  Even as a married man (married to the most wonderful, supportive, and Godly wife a man could have), that struggle with temptation and the lust of the eyes is still there.

It's been debilitating.  Nothing hurts worse than doing the things you don't want to do.  Yes, and I know some scriptures are coming to your mind again, but regardless, my poor mind has wallowed in dissonance for over a year now.  

Despite the great pain, my victories have been triumphant as well.  And as I prayed in a lukewarm tub full of water, the clarity returned to me, "Duh, of course it's a struggle, God doesn't want a little of me, He wants all of me, and He is using that surgeons scalpel to remove the cancer from my spirit."

It dawned on me in a way only experience could, that surrender is progressive (Duhhhh again right?)  I KNOW THIS STUFF!  I went to a Bible college, I listen to sermons every morning, but this is really something that even though you know, you don't KNOW until you live it.  

I'm pretty open with my struggles because I know that God uses our hurts to comfort others.  With a problem like pornography addiction affecting something like 90% of teenagers these days and over half of ministers in the church, it's a problem I will speak out on.  Please pray for me and my family as I deal with these struggles.  I know that brutal honesty is what shows the world that Christ is real.  He has delivered us from the penalty of our sin and that's why there is no shame.  Furthermore, He gives us the victory that must be expressed to a diseased world, keeled over in what it deems as nourishing, no matter how bitter the drink.

I don't know, but it just makes sense that surrender is progressive.  This isn't the first time and it won't be the last.